It was difficult to imagine why Artemis Sinistra would be outside of her shop at three o’clock on a Thursday afternoon but the fact of the matter was she couldn’t stand to be there another minute. After Snidgeton had written that article exposing Garrow for the slime ball he was, she had been forced to go underground. Unfortunately (at least in Arty’s view) she had decided the best place for her to hide was with the Sinistras. Her dislike for Arty’s younger brother having been so vocal no one in their right mind would imagine she’d be hiding out in their glitter filled shop of clothing oddities. Now that in and of itself wouldn’t have particularly bothered Arty. Except that Carmen was an absolute terror.

She lived with a permanent sneer on her otherwise pretty features. Nothing was good enough for her—not the food, not the bed, and most definitely not the company. Arty had grown weary of her presence after the second day, and it seemed as though she had no intention of leaving in the near future. Too much more and she’d soon find herself tossed out on her annoying little arse. Apollo’s moonstruck pleas could only pacify Arty for a short while. So to give herself some time to cool down, she had vacated the premises for the afternoon, leaving it in Apollo’s care. Her main fear that she would return to find the place had exploded in some sort of sequin accident.

She decide that the first thing she would do with her new found freedom would be to pop into Daphne’s bakery to have a bit of pie. The woman was some sort of baking genius, and Artemis secretly swore that she somehow managed to bake cheering charms into her sweets. Everything about the place was enough to brighten up all but the most hardened cynic’s day, of course that could also be do to the bright yellow wallpaper. As she approached the counter Daphne greeted her with her trademark cheer (that could only be occasionally outdone by Apollo’s) and was already reaching for a slice of apple pie. She had an excellent knack for remembering people’s favorite dessert as well.

Feeling, better already she slid into a booth with her pie, letting the past couple unpleasant days slide out of her with each bite of cinnamon-y goodness. Cheering charms…she definitely had found a way to charm the sugar she used to carry cheering charms. It was the only way. So she sat there happily oblivious, contemplating the best method of imbibing food with cheer. Perhaps she could secretly spike Carmen’s dinner with a charm…although a nice slug-spewing hex would be preferable.

Atlas’s eyes crossed for the 8th time and finally, taking the hint, he closed the book. A little puff of dust went up into the air and just hung there. A considerable amount of time had passed since he had started this ill advised quest of his and he had a disconcerting feeling that he wasn’t really getting any closer. Leaning forward he rested his head on the table top, breathing in the smell of the work table, which smelled a tad like potions but underneath that was a pleasant cedar aroma. He took a few more deep breaths, then turned his head, resting his cheek on the table and weighing the crick he would have in his neck if he napped there with the effort it would take to get up and out of the basement lab.

Groaning he turned his head to the other side, and recoiled when the edge of something grazed his eye. He cursed briefly, rubbing at his cornea and blinking until the world realigned itself then began the search for his attacker. As it turned out his attacker was the side of a box, one Jasper and sent over that had, until very recently contained the tastiest Pineapple tart Atlas had ever had the privilege of scarffing down. It was one of Daphne’s concoctions, rich, filling….Atlas had just found his motivation to not sleep on the work table.

He needed more delicious treats, that would help, it might even make the persistent headache go away. Trudging forth from the basement he only paused long enough to check the clock (3:00 PM good supper time) and to ask Rudolph if he would like anything from the bakery. He took the shouted, “WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE!” as a no and headed out on his errand.

The bakery wasn’t far, he pushed the door open, made sure to carefully close it behind him and made a quick scan of the area. A few older looking witches chatting about something or other, Daphne pristine and very…cheery behind the counter and…Artemis Sinistra who appeared to be giving her piece of pie a visual shakedown. His eyes still on Artemis he placed an order for one of the pineapple tarts, and then a slice of oreo cheesecake, paid for both and then carefully made his way over to one half of the Sinistra duo.

“Did your pie do something to you?” The look on Artemis face was a happy one but it wasn’t happy in the sense of kittens and rainbows, more happy in the way the pain of others might bring a person joy.

“Did your pie do something to you?”

Artemis looked up from her pie to see Atlas standing over her holding a tart and some cheesecake. She shrugged and took another bite of her sugary treat.

“I was just musing over the practicality of imbibing food with charms. People tend to prefer potions when they want to spike food and drinks, but if cast properly I’d imagine that a charm would be much harder to detect, and possibly more effective. The real trick is how to preserve the charm in the food, without the food taking the brunt of the spell. I mean it'd do no good to say, jinx your eggs green when it's the eater you're aiming for."

It occurred to her that she probably oughtn’t be voicing these thoughts aloud around Atlas. He tended to be a bit paranoid about...well, everything really. She'd have him thinking she was some sort of secret spy sent by Shirley. Although, she hoped at this point he knew her well enough to not believe that of her. She still didn't know what this Shirley person was to have done but Atlas seemed to think she was a serious threat.

“You look tired.” She said scanning his face as he sat himself across from her. "How have you been?"

They hadn't spoken much since the incident at the ministry. Mostly because she had been too wrapped up in her self-pity, and Atlas had been strangely absent from the shop. Usually he brought Rudolph around at least twice a week for a visit and some light shopping, but she realized that they hadn't stopped in for a while. Perhaps the skeleton had finally given up his infatuation with her? It seemed unlikely since she had had to use all of her wiles to fend off not only Rudolph’s advances, but also the amused urgings of Apollo, Jasper, and Atlas.

Atlas listened intently as Artemis spoke, I was just musing over the practicality of imbibing food with charms. Well, that was certainly an interesting topic to be musing on especially coming from Artemis. She had never really seemed to be the type to go about trying to charm harm into people's food...but these were rather strange times. He lifted the cheesecake to his nose and gave it a small cursory sniff, smelled normal. He glanced over at Daphne, darting about behind the counter, they couldn't be in cahoots. She'd never let something interfere with the delicate chemistry of her treats.

Artemis seemed to be absorbed in her explanation and Atlas took the opportunity to carefully lick the top of the cheesecake. He tasted chocolate, cookie crumb, and whip cream. Then she hadn't charmed any of the current offerings. With a sigh of relief he seated himself across from her, scrutinizing the tart to make sure it didn't try anything cute before being sent to its end.

You look tired. Atlas lifted his eyes from the tart then sat back in his seat. A glance in the window and at his reflection in it confirmed Artemis statement. How have you been? Scrubbing a hand over is face he turned back to the woman and shrugged. Since the Ministry he had seen Artemis and her brother maybe 3, 4 times. Once to make sure that both of them had escaped the Ministry intact, and then a few times when he had had an absolute need to visit their shop, but nothing more.

“I've been busy.” He answered finally. He had gotten the twins into enough trouble already, no need to burden Artemis with the details. “Sleeping has been rather low on the priority list, although,” He glanced again at his reflection and grimaced. “Maybe I should move it up a few notches. I look rather like some sort of vagabond. How have you been?” He echoed the phrase. “Rudolph sends his love, I caught him last night trying to make the floo system work, he'll be sorry to know he missed you.” The skeleton had been pestering Atlas daily for a walk over to the Sinistra's and when Atlas had continually refused him the undead had taken to pining at the window; it was like watching a muggle soap opera, but with a skeleton.

In hopes of avoided anymore questions about his recent comings and goings Atlas took a dainty bite of the tart and stabbed his fork in the direction of Artemis pie. “There are a few transference spells you might be able to work in. You would have to charm them to react to human, if thats what you were planning to use it on. If you have a rat problem might I suggest an exterminator rather than have some poor bit of food suffer. Especially vegitbles, just because we humans can't hear it doesn't mean they don't scream when eat them.” He took another bite, considering. “Do you think specific food groups might work better than others? Better in high starch and low fat? Why would you want to jinx eggs? What have eggs ever done to you?”

“You know your health, work, and interpersonal relationships suffer when you don’t get enough sleep.” She said shifting the conversation back again.

She gave him a motherly sort glare. In many ways, her brother was like a big child that needed taking care of and she had largely taken over that role after the two had moved out of their parents home. And when Apollo was doing something (usually something wrong) that he didn’t want to inform her about, he was excellent at deflecting the conversation. Atlas had just expertly deflected the conversation away from his health, to her jinxed pie in less than thirty seconds. Too bad he was dealing with an expert counter-deflector.

“I know we’ve never been terribly close Atlas but, if you ever need some help…”

He looked quite determined in that he did not want to continue this line of conversation. And as it really wasn’t any of her business she decided not to be pushy about it.

“I don’t want to jinx eggs, I want to jinx a certain person who happens to eat eggs. It wouldn’t have to be eggs specifically. And don’t be silly Atlas, if you cook your vegetables first they can’t possibly be screaming they’ve already been boiled.” She said sensibly. Another talent she had honed, living with a man who believed his shoes had souls (and not the rubber bits on the bottom) was that she was able to logically argue rather ridiculous topics. “They’re already quite dead.”

She took another bite of her pie.

“A transference spell would probably do the trick, but I’m curious about your theory on the foods compounds. I’d imagine something acidic could eventually, undermine the spell’s integrity. But assuming that the charm was added directly before consumption, it shouldn’t have a major impact. Would it take effect immediately, or would the spell only work as the food was broken down in the stomach?”

Clearly, prolonged exposure to Carmen’s nastiness had had a negative impact on her, if she was turning vindictive enough to actually jinx the woman’s food.

You know your health, work and interpersonal relationships suffer when you don't get enough sleep. The expression that Artemis leveled at him was not unlike several he had seen her shoot at Apollo over the years. Typically after he had tried to distract her away from whatever he was doing at the time and directly before she was rushing him to St Mungos for charming his mink lined gloves back into minks, or burning himself on the bedazzler, or...well the list went on. He made a point of poking at the top of his cheese cake, pushing the whipped cream on the top into a small cookie crumb encrusted pyramid, and trying not to look like he was avoiding eye contact. Living with someone like Apollo had led Artemis to be more perceptive than most people.

I know we've never been terribly close Atlas, but, if you ever need some help... He looked up when she trailed off suddenly. Atlas flicked his fork into the whipped cream, lifting the pyramid inspecting it before placing it in his mouth. They had been house mates but it was true he had never really gotten to know Artemis much beyond the function of Apollo's sister. Smiling briefly he shook his head. “I'm fine Artemis really. Just been working a bit to hard lately.” And trying to track down that soul's owner, and investigating my best friends pet Squib, attempting to figure out why my magic seems to have deserted me. “But thankyou, I'll keep that offer in mind.”

With that having been said Atlas tucked into the cheesecake. Taking small measured bites and wondering if maybe Daphne had developed a method to make her baked goods an addictive quality. If so then Artemis might be talking to the wrong person. I don't want to jinx eggs, I want to jinx a person who happens to eat eggs. It wouldn't have to be eggs specifically.. Atlas made a hasty mental note to keep eggs off of his shopping list until he was sure that he wasn't a possible target for Artemis.

He chuckled when she corrected him about the vegetables. “Whats your defense of salad bars then? The plight of the raw vegatable. And really Artemis I know Apollo can be a handful but it seems a bit much to jinx his eggs. He wouldn't learn anyway, it would just be another trip to St Mungos for you.” Jinxing her brother seemed harsh so Atlas amended his theory. “Is it some bloke bothering you?” Socially inept as he was Atlas knew about Artemis's torrid love life.

I'd be serious about your theory on food compounds... Atlas beamed happily, taking a large bite of his cheesecake. “I think acidic foods might be a better choice in terms of maintaining the flavor of the original food, but then as you said acids in potions formulas lead to a shorter half life for the potions potency. The same might carry over for a jinx. Now something with starch might preserve it for longer, but high starch items like potatoes don't really taste like anything...the jinx might set them off. What do you reckon a jinx would taste like?”

Another bite. “As for the question of how it would be metabolized I;m sure you could fiddle with it, maybe even set some sort of timer....there are ways. Last year I rigged a jinx to only go off in the event of godzilla destroying Tokyo tower...

“Oh no! If I wanted to jinx Apollo I’d just go ahead and do it. You just distract him with something shiny. It’s that Snidgeton woman. She’s been driving me mad.” She dropped the latter part down to a hiss; after all, the reporter was only staying at their shop because she was in hiding. It wouldn’t do for her location to be found out by someone working for Garrow. She may not like her, but Arty really wasn’t about to send the woman to her death because she was snotty.

“You’d think she’d be just a tiny bit grateful that we let her stay, but noooo! She’s an absolute monster!”

In fact, the only time she looked the least bit pleased with life was when she was contemplating ruining someone else’s. If it wasn’t so irritating she might have thought it was a little bit sad. But as it was Arty was more than willing to let her dormant prankster side come out to play. It had been ages since she had pulled a proper prank. In school, she had committed her fair share of mischief, not that most people were aware. Grandpa Zippy had taught her early how to get away without being seen, and how to pin the blame on other people. Had Apollo not been so easily distracted he might have picked up the lessons on stealth as well, but as it was he was good at plotting but always got caught in the execution of his pranks. That’s why he had to endure weekly knitting lessons with Grandma Iris.

“It’s not like I’d do anything too terrible to her.” She said grinning innocently. “But if she should suddenly develop an allergy to her morning juice or the like…I really can’t be held accountable for that now can I?”

She took another bite of pie, now happily musing over the most appropriate jinx to lace Carmen’s breakfast with. Should her skin turn green, or should she develop purple pustules across her face? Perhaps a mysterious itch or sudden twitch? Her hair could fall out, or she could suddenly become mute! The possibilities were as endless as all the spells in wizardom.

"...Now something with starch might preserve it for longer, but high starch items like potatoes don't really taste like anything...the jinx might set them off. What do you reckon a jinx would taste like?”

She pondered the question a moment, did jinxes really even have a taste? Or did they exist outside the realm of taste and smell. But then they couldn't entirely, because dungbombs certainly emitted an odor and they were spellwork. Now this was the sort of thing that Logan and the Department of Mysteries ought to have been working on. Understanding magic and how it worked as opposed to twisting it for malevolent purposes.

"I couldn't say, perhaps it varies depending on the nature of the jinx?"

Oh no! Atlas relaxed a bit. If I wanted to jinx Apollo I'd just go ahead and do it. You just distract him with something shiny.. Atlas gulped down a bit of tart nervously. The remark was delivered with a flippant truthfulness to it and Atlas made a quick mental inventory of every possible Apollo distractor at Artemis's disposal in the shop...it was a staggering number. Especially if the bedazzling supplied were anywhere near. He'd have to remember to warn Apollo the next time he saw him. That that it would do any good, some aluminum foil would catch the sun and the man would be off planning the next big fashion. Sometimes Atlas found himself wondering how Apollo managed to get anything done with that attention span of us.

It's that Snidgeton woman. Artemis leaned forward as one who was telling a secret and Atlas leaned forward as well, a slight frown creasing his brow. You'd think she'd be just a tiny bit grateful that we let her stay, but nooooo! She's an absolute monster. Atlas had wondered where Carmen had disapeered to...as did Garrow he supposed but he would have never thought to look at the Sinistra's. Hadn't Apollo been infatuated with her? Atlas didn't understand most of the facets of romantic interaction when both parties were perfectly nice people but loving Carmen, or imagining that you loved Carmen. Everytime he had had the displeasure of being in her company he had always recalled The Medea, and imagined Carmen in the title role, astride in a fiery chariot with a few dead babies soaring off into the sun set. “Did you just place her in a category containing human feelings? Really shes the closest thing to a human harpy hybrid I've ever encountered. I wrote a paper about it in 6th year charms...got detention for a week. How long? This whole time? I'm not entirely certain but I think that qualifies you for some sort of religious commendation, maybe you could get an order of merlin.”

It’s not like I’d do anything too terrible to her. The grin was like a chesire cat and Atlas was reminded that Artemis was as clever as any other prankster he had met, he almost felt sorry for Carmen. Almost being the operative word. He began to seriously consider Artemis plan. But if she should develop n allergy to her morning juice or the like...I can't really be help responsible..

“Or course not.” He nibbled on the tarts crust, glancing at Daphne who seemed completely absorbed cooing over one of the customers babies. Chewing thoughtfully he rolled her question over in his head, letting it collect tid bits of information here and there. “Could be dependent on the nature of the jinx. If you're looking to make her uncomfortable I might suggest trying to mimic selective food allergies. Miserable condition, I knew someone in America with it. Its like a rolling allergy, sometimes chicken makes you break out in hives, sometimes it doesn't. The condition just switches which foods its going to make you regret eating. I'm sure theres a way to mime the effects...whats the point of magic if you can't use it to be childish every now and then.”

Atlas dug in his pocket producing a small notebook and a muggle ball point pen and started jotted down some notes. Little half spells and runes. “Runes might be a good a way to go...you could jinx her coffee cup, have the jinx transfer to the liquid through a diffusion. Something like the porcine jinx, put on a pig nose on that drawn face.” He glanced up at Artemis. “Anythoughts? You could jinx bread! Crust would hold the spell in...is Apollo off carbs? You wouldn't want him to eat it by accident.”

“Did you just place her in a category containing human feelings? Really she’s the closest thing to a human harpy hybrid I've ever encountered. […] I'm not entirely certain but I think that qualifies you for some sort of religious commendation, maybe you could get an Order of Merlin.”

She secretly thought that she’d be more deserving of an Order of Merlin if she cursed Carmen out of existence and saved the world from having to endure any more of her pernicious tongue. But the religious commendation could be in order.

“Runes might be a good a way to go...you could jinx her coffee cup, have the jinx transfer to the liquid through a diffusion. Something like the porcine jinx, put on a pig nose on that drawn face.”

Atlas was taking up her cause with a level of enthusiasm that she hadn’t expected, considering that he had been eyeing her warily since the moment he approached her table. But in this case, she wasn’t willing to look a gift horse in the mouth. Atlas might not have been a prankster like many of his friends, but he knew a lot of strange and useful spells and jinxes. If there were anyone that she could depend on to point her in the right direction intellectually it would be Atlas.

“Possibly, although there’s something to be said for subtlety when it comes to pranks. A good prankster doesn’t get caught.” She said quoting her lessons from Grandpa Sinistra. “You either have to find someone else to shift the blame to, which I don’t think will be possible in this case– Or you have to do something that isn’t obviously a prank so that no one can prove you’ve really done anything.”

In one instance, one of her dorm mates at Hogwarts had woken up to find that moths had gotten to all of her sweaters and little mice had chewed holes in her shoes after having made fun of Apollo’s new haircut. Karma bites.

“Any thoughts? You could jinx bread! Crust would hold the spell in...is Apollo off carbs? You wouldn't want him to eat it by accident.”

“He’s more of a Sugar Bombs sort of person.” She said waving away this potential disaster.

Who had decided that the wizarding community needed a cereal sweet enough to require warning labels, she didn’t know. But the sugarcoated puffs that popped in your mouth, with a tiny explosion of sugary goodness might provide an insight into Apollo’s demeanor on a daily basis. She had read in the newspaper only last week that a single bowlful had put lesser individuals into a sugar-induced coma.

“Bread could be the perfect jinxing food! Even assuming that jinxes do have a taste, the jam would cover up most mild flavors.”

Possibly, although there’s something to be said for subtlety when it comes to pranks. A good prankster doesn’t get caught. You either have to find someone else to shift the blame to, which I don’t think will be possible in this case– Or you have to do something that isn’t obviously a prank so that no one can prove you’ve really done anything.

Subtlety, now there was a word that Atlas didn’t often have much cause to hear coming out of a Sinistra’s mouth. The majority of his dealings with the family had always been with Apollo who seemed to understand subtlety in much the way that Shirley understood mercy . Everything about the man seemed to scream for attention and Atlas has spent a good number of years marveling at the fact that any of their school time schemes had ever worked out. In some of his more bored moments he had theorized that maybe Apollo had some sort of as of yet undiscovered magical ability that allowed him to frolic through a prank or a heist wearing every reflective material known to man and singing some diddy or another without ever being caught.

Now as Artemis with a level head, a voice very far removed from what one would call ‘sing song’ and a clothing that reflected very little save for her level headedness and no nonsense attitude, was forcibly reminding him that not all siblings were perfect mirrors of one another. This was a good thing, Atlas hadn’t done the math in a very long time but he was thoroughly convinced the universe couldn’t take another Apollo.

“Not being caught should be your first priority. You might be giving her sanctuary but wrong that woman and I have feeling it won’t matter. She might just off you in your sleep and replace your insides with magical clockwork. There’s a chance no one would notice until you needed an oil change. It happened to my great uncle Moriarty.” He shuddered as he nibbled on his tart. “And then no one would be around to make Apollo see good sense. The universe might up and collapse and then she’ll have won!”

He’s more of a Sugar Bombs sort of person. Well that alleviated one fear. Replacing it with several others as various articles about massive sugar intake as it related to the crop circle phenomena came to mind. “Is that really better though? Does Apollo take routine trips to the American frontier after breakfast in the morning?” He would have to re-read the accounts later and make sure that none of the descriptions of the alien menace matched.

Bread could be the perfect jinxing food! Even assuming that jinxes do have a taste, the jam would cover up most mild flavors. .

“That it could be. Good insulation, you could add the jinx before or after cooking. I don’t know if heat affects them… I mean an ice jinx might not work so well after going through the baking process. We might have to do some baking. Experimentation is an important step if you want this to work right. Does Carmen eat jam? I always thought she would take her toast with broken dreams or the condensed cries of orphaned children.” He looked at Artemis cautiously. “Does she even eat? What about the insecto charm, makes bees come out of things! Like hands!” Atlas waved his own hands and made a buzzing noise for emphasis. “Its not subtle in the least though…..”

Is that really better though? Does Apollo take routine trips to the American frontier after breakfast in the morning?”

“I don’t believe so. He normally expends the sugar rush by painting glitter-glue Monet reproductions on my curtains. It's quite irritating actually.”

”[…] Does Carmen eat jam? I always thought she would take her toast with broken dreams or the condensed cries of orphaned children.”

“She would probably prefer that, but I can assure you that I don’t keep broken dreams stored in my kitchen cupboard, so she has to make due with simple strawberry jam. Perhaps that’s why she’s so cranky.” Artemis mused thoughtfully. “She hasn’t been getting her daily dose of misery.”

”[…]What about the insecto charm, makes bees come out of things! Like hands! It’s not subtle in the least though…”

He flapped his hands up in down and buzzed in order to demonstrate, and Arty couldn’t help but stare at him a bit incredulously. Sometimes she thought Atlas was a bit of a genius, and other times (like now) she was convinced that he was just utterly insane. If there was a thin line between genius and madness then Atlas happily veered from one side of it to another every five minutes or so.

“No…it’s not quite as subtle as I was hoping. She might catch on you know and then I’d have bees all over my kitchen.”

She searched around for an alternative less likely to result in her getting herself stung by a swarm of angry bees. The idea was to make Carmen miserable, not the other way around. She dug around in her bag and pulled out a quill and a spare bit of parchment, jotting down notes.

“I was thinking something that mimicked allergic reactions, itchy rashes, swelling or the like. There are several possibilities..." She trailed off busily scratching down various options, the different sorts of spells she need, little diagrams of toast, and estimations of how much time it would all take.

“I’ll need to test it first, of course. But who can I test it on?”

She thought of people she’d be willing to test the jinx on. With a bit of malicious delight, one overdressed jeweler instantly popped to mind. On her list of people who deserved a good jinx, Jasper reigned second only to Carmen. If she found out that he had enlisted Apollo for some nefarious deed one more time, she wasn’t going to be held responsible for her actions. He was worse than Wendell had been in many ways. At least you knew going into it that Wendell was a bad lot, Jasper tried to hide his sliminess behind a layer of suavity and charm. Sadly, from what she had heard Atlas seemed to like Jasper a little too much to let her get away with using him as their guinea-pig, mores the pity.

I can assure you that I don't keep broken dreams stored in my kitchen cupbaord, Arty should have those on hands, they came in handy at the weirdest times. Like when you needed to make a batch of homemade sour patch kids. Broken dreams was the best bittering agent Atlas had ever come across. He wondered if he should inform her that he could get her some, and at a primium...maybe later. Artemis was in a sort of business mode, and if Atlas was going to be a productive contributer he had better pay attention.

Artemis lifted her bag into her lap, rummaged for a moment and then produced a pen and some scrap paper. As she began to write down some ideas and snatches of formulas Atlas leaned closer, scooting his chair over to get a better vantage point. She had always been rather brilliant actually, Atlas almost felt sorry for Carmen, almost. The woman was terror and the fact that she had worn down Atremis's nearly bottomless patience was a very telling sign about the personality of the one and only junior editor of the prophet.

I was thinking something that mimicked allergic reactions, itchy rashes, swelling or the like. There are several possibilities... Atlas watched as she sketched and diagrammed. She seemed to have settled on bread, they could move on from there. As Artemis wrote Atlas began trying to narrow down a list of jinxs he knew that would have the affects that Artemis was looking for. Nothing to bad, just irritating. Returning Carmen's behavior hurt for hurt.

I'll need to test it fist, of course. But who can I test it on? Atlas inched back unconsciously. He couldn't remember anything he had done recently to invoke any of Artemis's considerable ire, but that didn't mean it was impossible. Especially if no other subject came to mind. If he became desperate enough Atlas could always suggest Jasper, as a sort of peace offering. He doubted that his friend would have accepted something Artemis had baked for him, Jasper's survival instincts were to strong to let something like that get by. Calixtus came to mind, but then really, same problem.

“Hmmm...” As he thought Atlas glanced down and the paper, sliding it towards him with his index finger and taking a moment to check over the notes, looking for any errors. Nothing that seemed to unpleasant. “Know anyone who needs some quick cash? Maybe you could bribe them, say it was for 'science' people will do a lot of things for science. If not we could always try Rudolph doesn't eat per say but he did munch on a cursed cake from Count Van Doom 1874 wedding. He reacted like anything with flesh and blood would. It might be worth a try.” He pushed the note back to Artemis and ate the final bite of his cheese cake. “If not you could always try Jasper.” He offered a tight smile to accompany the joke.

She was surprised that Atlas was offering his best friend to be the subject of her rather unpleasant experiment, and tried not to look too excited about the possibility of getting revenge on her two least favorite people in one go. But judging from the way he was warily glancing at her, she suspected he was more concerned that he didn't become her next target. Really, it was quite silly of him. They were working on the same team, and he hadn't done anything to irritate her since bringing Rudolph to the shop that day. And while it was a little annoying to have a skeleton for a stalker, she had to admit it was rather useful for intimidating other unwanted suitors. Her brother would get tired of the necrophelia jokes in time.

“Well, that’s something we can worry about later. Worst comes to worst I can always ask Grandpa if he knows anyone. Although, I’ll have to make sure he doesn’t try and use it on poor Herbert McCoy.” She shook her head in part exasperation and amusement. “It’s a wonder the man hasn’t murdered Grandpa yet.”

She had the oddest family, even by wizarding standards. She often thought, if it wasn’t for the comparative good sense of her mother and grandmother the entire family would have descended into the ranks of circus performers ages ago. Though there were many times that she wondered about their sanity, and indeed her own. You couldn’t be a Sinistra and be entirely normal. But when she compared herself with the others, she couldn’t help but be satisfied that there was little apparent in her of the oddities of the rest of her family. She was the over-bright, underachieving daughter of a pack of lunatics. Though she thought this was a bit of an unfair statement they weren’t all obsessed with the moon. Great-Auntie Eos had believed she was the goddess of the dawn.

This trip to the bakery had lifted her mood considerably, and she congratulated herself on deciding to stop by after practically storming from the shop only an hour earlier. Who knew that a quick bite of pie could do so much to brighten her disposition?

“Thank you Atlas, I owe you one for this.” She said feeling slightly giddy with the familiar rush of adrenaline she always got when she was working on a prank.

Artemis looked as if she was seriously considering Jasper as experiment subject and mentally Atlas began trying to think of ways to save the other man while at the same time not incurring the woman's wrath. He imagined the look on Jasper's face as he nibbled some seemingly harmless bread only to break out in massive hives moments later, 'et tu Atlas' he would say as he stumbled to the bathroom looking for a mirror...of course once Jasper found one the words would get considerably louder...and much more cutting and inappropriate. He shook himself, dislodging the image as best he could. Atlas understood the reasons for Artemis's strong dislike, hatred rather, toward Jasper.

Atlas couldn't pin point where it had started but the reasons were clear enough. Apollo was rather, well not impressionable just...game for things and Jasper was perfectly happy to have someone to go to great lengths with. Heists and stunts that Atlas would have scoffed at and sent Jasper on his ways were considered standard activities for Apollo. In school Jasper had indoctrinated him into various things of negative conotation and note and Artemis had never forgiven him for it. It was cute in its own way, the protectiveness and loyalty she felt toward her brother. Jasper had assured Atlas that Artemis wouldn't really hex him, Atlas had slightly more cautious views on the situation. Jasper's flaunting near Artemis was rather like bear baiting.

Well, thats something we can worry about later. Atlas sighed audibly, relieved by the change of subject. If anyone was going to know someone willing to test hex bread it would be Grandpa Sinistra. Atlas saw the little man from time to time, he had been brilliant once, more than likely still was. “Only trick there would be finding a test subject that exists...or is part of the physical world.” And Atlas didn't know who Herbert McCoy was, but there was a certain art involved in surviving when one lived in close proximity to a Sinistra. Especially Zippy. You had to be careful what you said, because anything could be taken the wrong way (or far too much the right way), and always make sure to check your porches for dragon eggs.

Artemis seemed to have skirted the majority of the Sinistra family traits, though anyone who spent as much time as she did with Apollo couldn't be completely normal. Same could be said for him he supposed....Thank you Atlas, I owe you one for this.

He frowned for a moment, mouth quirking up to one side. “You owe me nothing, its a welcome distraction honestly. Well....” He shrugged a bit. “If you do feel at all beholden to me you could stop by SHOP sometime this week. Rudolph has been rather glum, I'm sure he'd love to see you.” He leaned back in his seat, smiled. “So are you baking this bread? Or do you plan to pre-purchse? Another thing you might try is cooking it on a curse tablet....simple enough you just need a stone slab and some basic rune work. Nothing you can't handle I'm sure.”

“You owe me nothing, its a welcome distraction honestly. Well....” He shrugged a bit. “If you do feel at all beholden to me you could stop by SHOP sometime this week.

She should have seen that coming, of course he would ask her to come entertain Rudolph. She thought it was a bit unfair of Atlas and the others to continue to encourage Rudolph’s infatuation with her. Amusing as they found it, Arty was never going to date a skeleton (talking or no), and stringing along his feelings was unnecessarily cruel. But she supposed that it wouldn’t be an entirely painful way to fulfill her ‘debt’ assuming of course the lobsters were on good behavior. They were nasty little buggers, and their shells were quite useful for blocking spells, so it could be difficult to make them back off.

“I might be able to spare a half-hour next Tuesday,” she finally conceded.

It was worth it, every time she imagined Carmen with her face covered in itchy red splotches, shrieking piteously. Yes, seeing that woman brought down a peg or two was totally worth fending off advances from an amorous skeleton and avoiding having her feet snapped off by vicious lobsters for a little while. Besides, there was always something interesting to be found in SHOP, buried underneath all the junk he had fished out of his neighbor’s garbage. Once she had found an entire bag of ‘defective sequins’ that Apollo had thrown out after deciding they weren’t up to snuff, on a shelf in the back of his shop. She had tried to explain to Atlas that it really was just trash, but he insisted on believing that they could somehow be used to divine the exact date of the apocalypse. It was usually better just to with him, when it came to that sort of thing.

“But it would really be better if you could find a nice skeleton-girl for him. It’s not nice to get his hopes up that I’ll go on a date with him” She folded up her notes and tucked them safely into her bag.

“So are you baking this bread? Or do you plan to pre-purchase? Another thing you might try is cooking it on a curse tablet....simple enough you just need a stone slab and some basic rune work. Nothing you can't handle I'm sure.”

“I’ve not got very much experience baking bread, though I suppose Grandma Sinistra would probably be willing to teach me. As long as I didn’t mention why. She tends to disapprove of our pranks.”

Atlas knew that he was pressing it when he made his request, Arty's face said as much. The way her mouth screwed up just the tinest bit, and one of her fingers twitched on the table. He didn't really see the problem. Rudolph was entirely harmless, really and truly, a few steps without the support of his stand could end in bone clattering disaster he'd never be able to do any damage. It was rahter cute actually, like watching puppy love. The way he pawed at the SHOP window facing toward the direction of the Sinistra's or the way he would sometime lie under the desk forlornly intoning, “We're all going to die.”. Last Tuesday Atlas had found a discarded hair tie mixed in with an assortment of fabric scraps, he had been about to dispose of it when Rudolph had meandered by, plucking it from his hand, cuddling it as much as one dead could and cooing at it for the remainder of the week.

I might be able to spare a half hour next Tuesday. She answered at last and Atlas gave her a grateful smile.

She reclined in her seat, arms coming up and crossing over her chest. There was going to be some kind of qualifier here, he could tell. But it would really be better if you could find a nice skeleton-girl for him. It’s not nice to get his hopes up that I’ll go on a date with him.

“That would please him inordinately. I appreciate it, hes completely benign I assure you. Its sort of cute actually.” He stopped realizing that this was just the sort of image that Artemis might be hoping to avoid. “He just needs some friends outside of the SHOP, its not good for him to be around that Moose all the time, hes an impressionable being, for something without a brain.” He scratched at the back of his head for a moment, a nervous compulsion that he had mostly school out of himself but Artemis had a way of making it return. Back in school he had been a staunch defender of Jasper and had received the third degree from Artemis on numerous occasions, he was still a little bit afraid of her. “Its difficult to find another skeleton that hes compatible with. I've tried...a few times but, well, none of them have really been up to snuff. Or verbal. If you know anybody though? Maybe we could set up some sort of play date.”

Artemis was tucking her notes back into her bag like the precious treasure that they were. I’ve not got very much experience baking bread, though I suppose Grandma Sinistra would probably be willing to teach me. As long as I didn’t mention why. She tends to disapprove of our pranks.. Atlas supposed that most people would, but it was all in good fun. Well maybe not fun for most of the parties involved, for Carmen certainly, but Artemis was suffering too and this had to be taken into account as well. “Well...” Atlas pursed his lips and rolled his shoulders. “You could just say you were looking to learn how to bake bread. Get the principals down and then experiment with the rest. Could help to take away some of the suspicion. Or, just bring Apollo with you, I'm sure he'll be distracting.”

“Keep those notes safe maybe copy them into code and then destroy the original. Might I suggest the cipher used by bloody Mary to plot the assassination of Elizabeth the I? That was a fairly good one, simple enough to learn. Carmen is a notorious snoop...would be a shame for this whole plot to fall through before it was even off the ground properly.”