Let's face it, we've all been there. You need to get irredeemably drunk, but for one reason or another you can't make it home, so you're forced to the pub. Unfortunately, you have reason to be wary of people recognizing you while you're getting smashed. No worries, my friend. Just follow these simple rules and your reputation will be safe!
- Look at no one but the bartender. You're not there to socialize. He's the only one you've got to worry about.
- Talk to no one but the bartender. Again, this is not singles' night. Place your orders, but otherwise shut up.
- Never move except to enter and leave. Movement draws attention to you. Avoid it at all costs.
- Dress the part. In other words, look like anything but yourself. If you're normally a classy, put-together looking person, mess up your hair and wear a ratty-looking cloak. Humans have been sharing genes long enough that there's always a chance of resemblance between you and someone random. Anyone who chances to see familiarity in your features will be thrown off by your costume and assume it was just a coincidence.
- Make sure you can handle your alcohol. Get drunk as you please, but for Merlin's sake, make sure you can watch your tongue enough to keep from blurting out anything stupid, memorable, or recognizable of your person. The last thing you need is some reporter's stool pigeon tipping them off that they heard Ed Garrow's dulcet laugh at the pub.
There you have it, my closet alcoholics. Just keep these five pillars in mind, and your fears will serve no purpose beyond adding to your drunken paranoia.
-Ed Garrow