Title: To: Kate Derum
Description: From: Edward Garrow, Ministry of Magic
Description: From: Edward Garrow, Ministry of Magic
Edward Garrow - May 20, 2008 09:23 PM (GMT)
| QUOTE |
| Miss Derum: You may recall a recent broadcast of the Lee Jordan Show on the WWN, during which a tip was received and refuted regarding the newest item in the Sinistra's Secondhand Shop, the Tongue Twisters. During this same broadcast, I made an announcement from myself and Healer Darien Holywell advising listeners to stay away from Knockturn Alley. Remember what you did? You advertised the place. Healer Holywell has already informed me of your numerous brushes with apparel from Knockturn Alley, and it is because of this and your appalling broadcast that I now personally urge you, for your own safety, never to enter that place again. Best wishes,  Edward Garrow Junior Undersecretary Ministry of Magic |
Kate Derum - May 20, 2008 09:37 PM (GMT)
Dear Mr. Edward;
I do believe I remember you making a broadcast. Yes, it was before mine, wasn't it? All I remember was that it was so boring and appalling I almost fell asleep. Oh wait, I did fall asleep. Do you know you have a very, VERY monotone voice. I felt like I was back in History of Magic again at Hogwarts. Please, don't take offense. I'm only stating the facts.
Now let's get back on topic. I did not advertise Knockturn Alley. I simple said something about their great accessories, did I not? I was advertising Apollo. Maybe you should go back and listen to my broad cast, Mr. Edward. I believe I told everyone to shop at Apollo's store. The whole broadcast was about Apollo. I think you're hearing may be off, too. May I recommend you to my healer, Darien? He's lovely and a great doctor! He'll fix those nasty ears of yours just like that. Oh, don't be ashamed, Mr. Edward. Everyone has problems. Some are just more noticeable then others.
Just to let you know, I really do try and stay away from Knockturn Alley. It always just seems to find me. Do you think a place can find someone, Mr. Edward? Maybe the whole Alley gets up and moves to where ever I'm going. It is possible. Magic is everywhere. And, yes, I've had a few incidents there, but nothing too harmful. Everything has turned out alright. You don't have to worry about me. I mean, it's nice that you care, really. I've never met so many people caring people in my life lately. I'll be just fine, though, don't get your knickers in a twist!
Please respond,
Kate Derum
Go Gryffindor!
I do believe I remember you making a broadcast. Yes, it was before mine, wasn't it? All I remember was that it was so boring and appalling I almost fell asleep. Oh wait, I did fall asleep. Do you know you have a very, VERY monotone voice. I felt like I was back in History of Magic again at Hogwarts. Please, don't take offense. I'm only stating the facts.
Now let's get back on topic. I did not advertise Knockturn Alley. I simple said something about their great accessories, did I not? I was advertising Apollo. Maybe you should go back and listen to my broad cast, Mr. Edward. I believe I told everyone to shop at Apollo's store. The whole broadcast was about Apollo. I think you're hearing may be off, too. May I recommend you to my healer, Darien? He's lovely and a great doctor! He'll fix those nasty ears of yours just like that. Oh, don't be ashamed, Mr. Edward. Everyone has problems. Some are just more noticeable then others.
Just to let you know, I really do try and stay away from Knockturn Alley. It always just seems to find me. Do you think a place can find someone, Mr. Edward? Maybe the whole Alley gets up and moves to where ever I'm going. It is possible. Magic is everywhere. And, yes, I've had a few incidents there, but nothing too harmful. Everything has turned out alright. You don't have to worry about me. I mean, it's nice that you care, really. I've never met so many people caring people in my life lately. I'll be just fine, though, don't get your knickers in a twist!
Please respond,
Kate Derum
Go Gryffindor!
Edward Garrow - May 20, 2008 09:56 PM (GMT)
Edward stared at the envelope for a few moments before opening it. Mr. Edward? Who would address a letter to him with "Mr. Edward"? A sinking feeling filled his stomach as he thought of the one person with whom he had recently corresponded who would.
He opened the envelope with a heavy hand, and sure enough, it was from Kate Derum. His jaw clenched as he read the letter, written in a childish hand. His immediate inclination was to find the girl and hex some respect into her, but he pushed down that impulse, shaking his head. His temper had been closer to the surface than ever since his...midnight trip to Ireland. He reached down and rubbed his throbbing leg and composed himself to respond to that stupid letter in his most mature voice.
He dipped his quill in the ink and began to write.
He opened the envelope with a heavy hand, and sure enough, it was from Kate Derum. His jaw clenched as he read the letter, written in a childish hand. His immediate inclination was to find the girl and hex some respect into her, but he pushed down that impulse, shaking his head. His temper had been closer to the surface than ever since his...midnight trip to Ireland. He reached down and rubbed his throbbing leg and composed himself to respond to that stupid letter in his most mature voice.
He dipped his quill in the ink and began to write.
| QUOTE |
| Miss Derum: I have viewed your Hogwarts transcripts. It is my knowledgeable conclusion that you will fail in any kind of successful career. Please, don't take offense. I'm only stating the facts. By definition, advertising is emphasizing the desirable qualities of a place in order to incite people to go there and arouse a desire to buy or patronize said place. I'd say that by claiming that Knockturn Alley has "great accessories" that's exactly what you did. However, you neglected to mention that the only accessories in Knockturn Alley are Dark objects designed to kill, poison, maim or otherwise dreadfully inconvenience the wearer! |
Edward paused to breathe and unclench his jaw.
| QUOTE |
| By doing this, Miss Derum, you have possibly endangered hundred's of Mr. Jordan's listeners by making them want to go to Knockturn Alley. Should Healer Holywell (I already know him, thank you very much, and my ears are fine) receive any more patients with Knockturn-Alley-object-related injuries, I shall assume it was the result of your advertisement and will not hesitate to press criminal charges. Consider carefully, Miss Derum, and remember that I act with your interests and the interests of the wizarding community close to my heart. Yours, Edward Garrow Junior Undersecretary Ministry of Magic |
He put the quill down, sealed up the envelope and sent it off before he changed his mind and added that Gryffindor House had been disgraced by having her in it.
Kate Derum - May 20, 2008 10:09 PM (GMT)
Kate opened her letter and read it carefully. She placed a finger to her mouth as her eyes filled up with tears. She grabbed a paper and began to write vigorously.
| QUOTE |
Dear Mr. Edward, You are the rudest man I have ever corresponded with in my whole life. You are an awful man who likes to torture children on the weekends. I don't care if you work at the Ministry. I bet you're a spy and you're the one who kidnapped that poor Harry Potter! You've let all this power go to you're head. You need to deflate yourself and watch you're words. First, you start off by insulting me. I, in no way, insulted you. You know Darien? You're friends with him? We shall see about that. I'm friends with him, too, you know. I bet he likes me better because I'm friendly. You're just an evil villain! You cannot, and will not, press charges because I said I like the accessories at Knockturn Alley. What if I made an announcement saying I liked burgers. Someone heard me, ate one, choked and died. Would you sue me? Certainly not. Plus, the Gryffindor house loves me. What were you in? Slytherin? You nasty old bat. Kate Derum PS I hate you. |
Kate threw down her quill and called her owl. Rage was boiling up inside of her. No one talked to her that way.
Edward Garrow - May 20, 2008 10:43 PM (GMT)
Edward had not expected her to write again. In the event that she did respond, he had expected some sort of apology and a promise to abide by his express wishes. Holywell had mentioned to him that the girl was duller than a mountain troll (his words, not Darien's) and stubborn to boot, but he had truly not expected this.
Her letter accused him of being the antagonist!
He stared at it. It was possibly the most ridiculous thing he had ever read, second only to a proposal drafted by the Muggle Technology Incorporation to begin work on magic-resistant cellphones and music players that Muggle-born and half-blood students could use both at Hogwarts and at home (he had shot it down without showing it to anyone higher up. Why bring Muggle technology into Hogwarts? It was a stupid, disgraceful idea).
He took a deep breath. Alright, Ed. She's just a child; she deserves a bit of leeway. Just this once, of course. Be a politician. It's what you're good at. Sighing and shaking his head at the humiliation of the letter he was drafting, he began to write again.
Her letter accused him of being the antagonist!
He stared at it. It was possibly the most ridiculous thing he had ever read, second only to a proposal drafted by the Muggle Technology Incorporation to begin work on magic-resistant cellphones and music players that Muggle-born and half-blood students could use both at Hogwarts and at home (he had shot it down without showing it to anyone higher up. Why bring Muggle technology into Hogwarts? It was a stupid, disgraceful idea).
He took a deep breath. Alright, Ed. She's just a child; she deserves a bit of leeway. Just this once, of course. Be a politician. It's what you're good at. Sighing and shaking his head at the humiliation of the letter he was drafting, he began to write again.
| QUOTE |
| Miss Derum: I wholeheartedly apologize for my last letter. In my eagerness to protect you and my other fellow wizards I fear I crossed a professional line. Please allow me to make it up to you; perhaps I might accompany you to Hogsmeade or similar for a shopping trip? Again, my sincerest apologies, Edward Garrow Junior Undersecretary Ministry of Magic |
Kate Derum - May 20, 2008 10:51 PM (GMT)
Kate's eyes went wide when she read his most recent letter. She was in shocked, yet pleased at the same time. She immediately wrote back.
| QUOTE |
Mr. Edward, I'd be pleased to go out with you. Might I suggest a drink after words? And I, too, apologize for my bitter words. I sent you a letter out of rage and anger. I should have calmed down and reorganized my thoughts. I'm flattered by your kindness, Kate Derum P.S. I'm sure Darien likes us both equally. |
Kate smiled and sent the letter off. Had he asked her on a date?