Mission Implausible

DATELINE - OCTOBER 2005
MYOMA THREATENS PLANET UTERUS

Commander Lorelei watched with trepidation from her position at the helm, deep in the brain centre of the mother ship. She had been informed that communications might be disrupted for a time – indeed, at this point audio was fuzzy at best and she had to be content with a visual representation of the action. A dangerous mission was in progress in the Pelvic Territory: a gargantuan ‘roid (scientific name; Clingonnus myomectus – MYO for short) had attached itself to Planet Uterus and was threatening the future of the entire Reproductive Galaxy. No time to waste. It was crucial the behemoth be removed and destroyed – future lives depended on it!

All hope for success lay in the skilled hands of Captain S_, a confident and experienced leader, described by one adoring colleague as “tall, dark and extremely handsome with eyes like smoke”. Captain S_ enjoyed a reputation as the best laparotomic man in the Gyno universe, but now his accolades were about to be put to the test. Could he save the endometrial world from extinction?

The End

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Please copy and paste the score sheet below and paste into your reply to score.

StoryCrafters Best Opening Hook Contest

5=Excellent, ready for an editor
4=Above average
3=Average
2=Below Average
1=Poor

______ Do the characters have a unique voice? Are they well-drawn, three-dimensional characters, sympathetic, likeable, and/or intriguing despite possible flaws?


_____ Does the scene hint at a conflict (emotional or external) that will keep the reader turning the pages?


_____ Is the setting clear? Is a sense of time and place established?


_____ Is the dialogue natural and does it contribute to the story? If any dialogue tags are used, are they used effectively and not distracting?


______ Is the POV clear and effective? If there are any POV shifts, are they smooth, well handled, and appropriate for the moment?


_____ Is the narration, introspection, and dialogue balance and appropriated for the genre?


______ Is the narrative compelling with vivid descriptions and strong sensory details that effectively enhance the mood/tone of the scene?

______ Is this entry relatively clear of grammatical, punctuation, spelling, and/or typographical errors?




BONUS: Not scored. Put an X next to the one that applies.

_____ I loved it and want to find out what comes next.
_____ I’d skim over a few pages, and if I liked what I’d see, I’d take it.
_____ I liked it, but I need something more to sweeten the deal.
_____ Sorry, just isn’t my thing.

TOTAL SCORE: _____/40

StoryCrafters Best Opening Hook Contest

5=Excellent, ready for an editor
4=Above average
3=Average
2=Below Average
1=Poor

___3___ Do the characters have a unique voice? Are they well-drawn, three-dimensional characters, sympathetic, likeable, and/or intriguing despite possible flaws? Hard to tell so far.


__3___ Does the scene hint at a conflict (emotional or external) that will keep the reader turning the pages? We have the basics...but I think it needs more.


___4__ Is the setting clear? Is a sense of time and place established?


_N/A____ Is the dialogue natural and does it contribute to the story? If any dialogue tags are used, are they used effectively and not distracting?


___4___ Is the POV clear and effective? If there are any POV shifts, are they smooth, well handled, and appropriate for the moment?


___4__ Is the narration, introspection, and dialogue balance and appropriated for the genre?


___3___ Is the narrative compelling with vivid descriptions and strong sensory details that effectively enhance the mood/tone of the scene? This could be stronger I think.

___5___ Is this entry relatively clear of grammatical, punctuation, spelling, and/or typographical errors?




BONUS: Not scored. Put an X next to the one that applies.

_____ I loved it and want to find out what comes next.
__X___ I’d skim over a few pages, and if I liked what I’d see, I’d take it.
_____ I liked it, but I need something more to sweeten the deal.
_____ Sorry, just isn’t my thing.

TOTAL SCORE: __26___/40
26

__2____ Do the characters have a unique voice? Are they well-drawn, three-dimensional characters, sympathetic, likeable, and/or intriguing despite possible flaws?[b]read a little flat to me


__3___ Does the scene hint at a conflict (emotional or external) that will keep the reader turning the pages?


__3___ Is the setting clear? Is a sense of time and place established?


__NA___ Is the dialogue natural and does it contribute to the story? If any dialogue tags are used, are they used effectively and not distracting?


__3____ Is the POV clear and effective? If there are any POV shifts, are they smooth, well handled, and appropriate for the moment?


__3___ Is the narration, introspection, and dialogue balance and appropriated for the genre?


___3___ Is the narrative compelling with vivid descriptions and strong sensory details that effectively enhance the mood/tone of the scene?

___3___ Is this entry relatively clear of grammatical, punctuation, spelling, and/or typographical errors?




BONUS: Not scored. Put an X next to the one that applies.

_____ I loved it and want to find out what comes next.
_____ I’d skim over a few pages, and if I liked what I’d see, I’d take it.
_____ I liked it, but I need something more to sweeten the deal.
__x___ Sorry, just isn’t my thing.

TOTAL SCORE: __20___/40

_____3_ Do the characters have a unique voice? Are they well-drawn, three-dimensional characters, sympathetic, likeable, and/or intriguing despite possible flaws?


____3_ Does the scene hint at a conflict (emotional or external) that will keep the reader turning the pages?


____4_ Is the setting clear? Is a sense of time and place established?


___n/a__ Is the dialogue natural and does it contribute to the story? If any dialogue tags are used, are they used effectively and not distracting?


____3__ Is the POV clear and effective? If there are any POV shifts, are they smooth, well handled, and appropriate for the moment?


___4__ Is the narration, introspection, and dialogue balance and appropriated for the genre?


___3___ Is the narrative compelling with vivid descriptions and strong sensory details that effectively enhance the mood/tone of the scene?

___5__ Is this entry relatively clear of grammatical, punctuation, spelling, and/or typographical errors?




BONUS: Not scored. Put an X next to the one that applies.

_____ I loved it and want to find out what comes next.
___x__ I’d skim over a few pages, and if I liked what I’d see, I’d take it.
_____ I liked it, but I need something more to sweeten the deal.
_____ Sorry, just isn’t my thing.

TOTAL SCORE: ___26__/40

StoryCrafters Best Opening Hook Contest

5=Excellent, ready for an editor
4=Above average
3=Average
2=Below Average
1=Poor

___3___ Do the characters have a unique voice? Are they well-drawn, three-dimensional characters, sympathetic, likeable, and/or intriguing despite possible flaws?


___3__ Does the scene hint at a conflict (emotional or external) that will keep the reader turning the pages?


__4___ Is the setting clear? Is a sense of time and place established?


___N.A.__ Is the dialogue natural and does it contribute to the story? If any dialogue tags are used, are they used effectively and not distracting? Make it an average of 3.


___3___ Is the POV clear and effective? If there are any POV shifts, are they smooth, well handled, and appropriate for the moment?


___3__ Is the narration, introspection, and dialogue balance and appropriated for the genre?


___3___ Is the narrative compelling with vivid descriptions and strong sensory details that effectively enhance the mood/tone of the scene?

___5___ Is this entry relatively clear of grammatical, punctuation, spelling, and/or typographical errors?




BONUS: Not scored. Put an X next to the one that applies.

___X__ I loved it and want to find out what comes next. Never read anything like that. Hilarious names.
_____ I’d skim over a few pages, and if I liked what I’d see, I’d take it.
_____ I liked it, but I need something more to sweeten the deal.
_____ Sorry, just isn’t my thing.

TOTAL SCORE: __27___/40

StoryCrafters Best Opening Hook Contest

5=Excellent, ready for an editor
4=Above average
3=Average
2=Below Average
1=Poor

___3___ Do the characters have a unique voice? Are they well-drawn, three-dimensional characters, sympathetic, likeable, and/or intriguing despite possible flaws?


__3___ Does the scene hint at a conflict (emotional or external) that will keep the reader turning the pages?


__5___ Is the setting clear? Is a sense of time and place established?


___3__ Is the dialogue natural and does it contribute to the story? If any dialogue tags are used, are they used effectively and not distracting?


___3___ Is the POV clear and effective? If there are any POV shifts, are they smooth, well handled, and appropriate for the moment?


___3__ Is the narration, introspection, and dialogue balance and appropriated for the genre?


___3___ Is the narrative compelling with vivid descriptions and strong sensory details that effectively enhance the mood/tone of the scene?

__5____ Is this entry relatively clear of grammatical, punctuation, spelling, and/or typographical errors?




BONUS: Not scored. Put an X next to the one that applies.

_____ I loved it and want to find out what comes next.
_____ I’d skim over a few pages, and if I liked what I’d see, I’d take it.
___x__ I liked it, but I need something more to sweeten the deal.
_____ Sorry, just isn’t my thing.

TOTAL SCORE: ___28__/40

StoryCrafters Best Opening Hook Contest

5=Excellent, ready for an editor
4=Above average
3=Average
2=Below Average
1=Poor

___4___ Do the characters have a unique voice? Are they well-drawn, three-dimensional characters, sympathetic, likeable, and/or intriguing despite possible flaws?


__2___ Does the scene hint at a conflict (emotional or external) that will keep the reader turning the pages?


__4___ Is the setting clear? Is a sense of time and place established?


___3__ Is the dialogue natural and does it contribute to the story? If any dialogue tags are used, are they used effectively and not distracting?


___4___ Is the POV clear and effective? If there are any POV shifts, are they smooth, well handled, and appropriate for the moment?


__3___ Is the narration, introspection, and dialogue balance and appropriated for the genre?


___4___ Is the narrative compelling with vivid descriptions and strong sensory details that effectively enhance the mood/tone of the scene?

___5___ Is this entry relatively clear of grammatical, punctuation, spelling, and/or typographical errors?




BONUS: Not scored. Put an X next to the one that applies.

_____ I loved it and want to find out what comes next.
_____ I’d skim over a few pages, and if I liked what I’d see, I’d take it.
_____ I liked it, but I need something more to sweeten the deal.
__X___ Sorry, just isn’t my thing. While this was unique, it's not my reading pleasure.

TOTAL SCORE: ___29__/40

StoryCrafters Best Opening Hook Contest

5=Excellent, ready for an editor
4=Above average
3=Average
2=Below Average
1=Poor

___4___ Do the characters have a unique voice? Are they well-drawn, three-dimensional characters, sympathetic, likeable, and/or intriguing despite possible flaws? Hard to tell so far.


__5___ Does the scene hint at a conflict (emotional or external) that will keep the reader turning the pages? We have the basics...but I think it needs more.


___4__ Is the setting clear? Is a sense of time and place established?


_N/A____ Is the dialogue natural and does it contribute to the story? If any dialogue tags are used, are they used effectively and not distracting?


___5___ Is the POV clear and effective? If there are any POV shifts, are they smooth, well handled, and appropriate for the moment?


___5__ Is the narration, introspection, and dialogue balance and appropriated for the genre?


___4___ Is the narrative compelling with vivid descriptions and strong sensory details that effectively enhance the mood/tone of the scene? This could be stronger I think.

___5___ Is this entry relatively clear of grammatical, punctuation, spelling, and/or typographical errors?




BONUS: Not scored. Put an X next to the one that applies.

__X___ I loved it and want to find out what comes next.
(I loved the play with words and actions that you have in this story. Very nicely done)


_____ I’d skim over a few pages, and if I liked what I’d see, I’d take it.
_____ I liked it, but I need something more to sweeten the deal.
_____ Sorry, just isn’t my thing.

TOTAL SCORE: __32___/40

5=Excellent, ready for an editor
4=Above average
3=Average
2=Below Average
1=Poor

___NA___ Do the characters have a unique voice? Are they well-drawn, three-dimensional characters, sympathetic, likeable, and/or intriguing despite possible flaws? (I have no clue who the POV is and know more about the setting than the people as people rather than stereotypical titles)


__4___ Does the scene hint at a conflict (emotional or external) that will keep the reader turning the pages?


___5__ Is the setting clear? Is a sense of time and place established?


___NA__ Is the dialogue natural and does it contribute to the story? If any dialogue tags are used, are they used effectively and not distracting?


__2____ Is the POV clear and effective? If there are any POV shifts, are they smooth, well handled, and appropriate for the moment? (sounded more like a blurb than the beginning of a story)


__NA___ Is the narration, introspection, and dialogue balance and appropriated for the genre? (we haven't really gotten into the story--just the setting)


___4___ Is the narrative compelling with vivid descriptions and strong sensory details that effectively enhance the mood/tone of the scene? (right off the bat, we know it's a humor piece ;-)

__5____ Is this entry relatively clear of grammatical, punctuation, spelling, and/or typographical errors?




BONUS: Not scored. Put an X next to the one that applies.

_____ I loved it and want to find out what comes next.
__X__ I’d skim over a few pages, and if I liked what I’d see, I’d take it.
_____ I liked it, but I need something more to sweeten the deal.
_____ Sorry, just isn’t my thing.

TOTAL SCORE: _20____/25