I thought i'd do a background story of Kiyel, of course, if I do that, it really becomes a background story of 4 characters. The other three are Kane, Ein, and Hensa. I hope you enjoy.
Chapter One:Losing One Wasn't Enough
Rain clouds. Dark, gray, and sad. They glide over a town while they release rain drops which can sadden any cheerful heart. it rains at a steady pace, making everything wet, cold, and dark. A drop from the all the rain lands on a coffin top. It starts to slide down the coffin in a slow steady pace. it slides off falls onto soft soil that someone dug. A priest speaks words to a crowd dressed in black. Most of the crowd were foxes and hedgehogs all dresses in black. Most of the females had tears in their eyes, as well as some children. Kiyel can be seen staring at the coffin. He wasn't sad or upset. he just has a emotionless face on, staring at the coffin. A picture of his dad smiling was set on a table with flowers around it. "I'm sorry kid. But we can't find your fathers body. All we found were his work cloths and a sample of his blood." Kiyel remembers the officer telling him. Kiyel watches as the coffin descends into the grave and his mother weeps on his shoulder. He holds her and starts to walk her back to their house.
Two days have passed since he watched his fathers coffin be put into the ground. Kiyel walks to the window and looks up at the dark and gray clouds. It been like this for a while, but no rain, thunder, or lighting. He looks below and sees his mother cleaning off the table in there back yard. His eye catches something dark and black, but it was a blur. He wiped the window to check his vision. The dark black blur was still there, only a few feet away from his mother. he opens the window to double check his vision. As he did so, it began to move towards his mother slowly and haunting. he leans forward quickly trying to make out what it was but couldn't. it started to move faster towards his mother and his heart began to race.
"Mother!" he calls to her. She looked up and instantly saw the dark black blur drawing near her. She squinted her eyes but it still looked blurry. She slowly starts to step back as it started to pick up more speed, going into a full walk instead of taking it step by step. Her heart starts to beat hard and fast as she gets a cold chill down her back. Her mouth slightly opens in shock as she continues to back away from the table. Suddenly the dark black blur leaps towards the table and the table explodes while splitting in half. She screams out of fear and falls backwards, looking at the dark black blur. She tries to quickly crawl away but slips from the wet dirt and grass. She starts to breathe heavy and fast as it walks to her in a ghostly manner.
"MOTHER!!!" Kiyel shouts as he grabs the gutter next to the window and slides down it. The gutter gives way to his weight and snaps, making him fall to the soft wet grass with a thump. He grabs his chest in slight pain from the fall but quickly rolls over and looks towards his mother. She screams as a four clawed dark black hand is seen, ready to strike and kill Kiyels mother.
"NOO!!!" Kiyel shouts stretching out his hand towards her as she lays there wide eyed, shaking and in shock. Suddenly, the dark black blur flings backwards as if being hit y a strong force. it slides back but is now visible. It it as about the same size as a normal human. its eyes are are red and diagonal with a face the shape of a the front of a jet. The back of its head has spikes pointing out in all directions but in a circle around its head. Kiyel is stunned at this beast like creature.
It jumps back on to its three clawed feet and starts to fight the air it would seem, but each time it blocked, a sound of clashing metal would be heard. Kiyel keeps on watching and suddenly catches a glimpse of a sword attacking the creature. He then spots three swords at once attacking the creature. Confused and in shock he stays motionless, trying to figure out whats going on. The creature lashes out a back slash and suddenly the side of his house gets impact by something and creates a whole on the side of his house. Something dashed out of the whole through the smoke and he could barely see someone zoom out of there through the smoke.
The creature lashes out twice and something hit the ground hard and made an whole in the ground while something else crashes into a table and benches they had in their back yard. The creature slashes down but is stopped by something. That something starts to be seen as a sword. this floating sword was blocking the creature from slashing the wielder. The struggle hold as intense, as the creature could not move or do anything else. What ever was wielding that sword must have great strength.
"Kane!! Use It!!" A voice shouts which seemed to come from the smashed up bench and table.
"RAAHHHHH!!!!" Another voice shouts as a gust of wind bursts out of the sword blocking the creatures attack. Kiyel covers his eyes with his arm from th dirt that was kicked up then looks back at the fight. His eyes open wide as he sees a black hedgehog wearing a kimono and flowing with gold spirit energy. The hedgehog was grinning evilly at the creature as he began to make the creature slide backwards on its feet.
"Kane?" Kiyel whispers remembering what the voice shouted.
Kane lashes out his sword and launched the creature back with force, sending it crashing into a brick wall they had in there backyard. Kane grins more as he walks towards where the creature had crashed. suddenly, a creature with blue eyes lunges from that very location and screeches as it attacked Kane. Kane slashes it with one quick stoke and makes it explode into black dust. Then, a hedgehog hybrid appears next to Kane also wearing a kimono. The hybrid joins them also wearing a kimono.
Suddenly Kiyels mother screams in fear. Kiyel looks to her and sees the first creature that attacked picking her up my her shirt. It thrust its claws into her stomach and out her back. She gasps in pain while also wide eyed from shock. The creature drops her roughly onto the ground as a black dark liquid begins to flow into her as blood starts to pour out. The creature slash opens a portal type black hole then grabs Kiyels mother. The trio dash for the creature but it jumps into the portal and slashes it shut. Kiyel remains wide eyed in shock laying on the ground, disbelieving what he just saw. The trio dashes off the other way and leave him alone, seeming like they didn't care for him nor were they there to protect him of his mother.
Kiyel keeps looking towards where his mother was, hoping she would return, and all of this was just a bad dream. he watches intensely, but nothing happens. tears begin to flow out if his eyes and down his face as he remains in shock. He now was alone. Scared, afraid, angry, upset, in pain, and alone. What is he to do now, with out his father or mother, what can he do. what can he do?
This is pretty good writing! you use great wording. =D
I'd just lengthen it, it's very fast moving, if you slow down a bit, and describe a little more, what the characters are feeling as well as what they're doing. =D
I'm really impressed, you are very orderly with your writing, I don't see anything out of place, and the concept is interesting, your beginning was very drawing. good job. ^^
Thank you. I wrote this a while ago so sorry if there are still spelling errors and such. Here is the next chapter.
Chapter two:Three Spirits Again
5 Years Later
Day light. It shines through the trees and brightens the wooded forest. No leafs are on the ground, which means its far from winner as the tree buds are just blooming. The dirt is rich and dark brown. Birds sing, the wind breezes by, sun shines in ad gives off warmth. Not to far from this beautiful forest scene Kiyel is seen a tree branch. This tree is close by a park filled with little hedgehogs, foxes, echidna, bunnies, cats, dogs, ect. Kiyel looks upon the little ones as they run about, laugh, smile, and share the fun and warmness in their hearts that Kiyel has lost. He watches with an emotionless look, not one of sadness nor happiness. He is in much thought and not really paying the little ones any attention at all. All was happy, bright, alive, and animated. Everything seemed fine.
Dark clouds suddenly started to roll in, covering the warmness of the sun, which suddenly caused the wind to whip by quickly, sending chills to everyone. Kiyel felt the wind pick up speed but ignores it as he is in deep thought. Suddenly the wind stops blowing and becomes still. This catches Kiyels attention as he quickly looks around. All of the little ones stop laughing and smiling as this unknown change in the wind accrued. Kiyel stands up quickly as he begins to get a bad feeling.
"This might be my chance. I'll follow those spirits I've seen before. And I'll get some answers." Kiyel thinks to himself as he tightens his fist and waits for something to happen. Suddenly a ripping sound was heard. Kiyel looks towards the center of the park and sees a black tear in the air. Dark black creatures the size on Kiyel begin to slowly come out of the tear, but only Kiyel could see them. The creatures begin to move towards the children as the children look around clueless and unaware of the arrival of these creatures.
Kiyel leaps into the air then creates a flow of strong wind to zip him over towards the park. People begin to watch Kiyel, begin that they can only see him. Kiyel pulls out two ninja knifes covered in a light blue glow. He lashes them out as he soars towards the park. The ninja knifes pierce through two of the creatures and makes them fall to the floor then fade into nothing. Kiyel soon lands in the center and takes out two more long ninja knifes. The creatures now focus on the new threat and start to slowly move towards him. Then, a spirit pulse rings out of the tear as a bigger but skinner creature with yellow eyes shoots out and races towards Kiyel. Kiyel leaps backs and slashes his long knife as the creature slashes its four clawed hand.
Kiyel blocks the attack but was flung back as the attack was powerful. He back flips onto his feet and slides back a little with a grunt. The creatures suddenly start to move much quicker and begin to attack the clueless children and people. Kiyels eyes open in shock as they are able to move quicker all of a sudden. He leaps towards one that was about to strike a child but was tackled by the yellow eyed creature. Kiyel slams to the floor as the creature is on top of him, gnashing teeth and biting as Kiyel holds it back from trying to bite and claw him. He suddenly kicks it off of him and quickly rolls backwards as it dived back down towards him. Kiyel lunges forward and slashes at it but it claws his attack and sends him back flipping backwards into the air. Kiyel lands on his feet a few feet away from the creature as people start to scream in horror from being attacked.
Every time a creature bites or attacks the people a white burst of energy releases and goes into the creature or into the air. Kiyel tightens his fist with such anger, thinking on how he can't save every person, and at the rate he is going, none at all. A white door suddenly appears to the side of Kiyel and the yellowed creature and quickly slides open. A red hedgehog wearing a kimono shoots out of the door and slashes at the yellow eyed creature with his sword and with speed. The creature counters it but is flung back and they begin to battle. A fox and a wolf suddenly follow after the red hedgehog and begin to start attacking the other creatures. Kiyel joins in the battle and starts to help out.
Kiyel launches his knife at a creature and it pierces through two of them. By now most of the people that were around are dead or have ran away from watching others suddenly be killed by something they can't see.
"FIGHT MIGHT!!!" The red hedgehog shouts and suddenly explodes with great spirit energy that is knocks Kiyel down to his knees. Kiyel struggles to look up at the red hedgehog as the hedgehog was glowing white. The yellow eyed creature feel to its knees then explodes into black dust which started to turn white as it vanished into the air. The hedgehog glows more but the fox and wolf were unaffected by this energy being released. The hedge then dashes with great speed towards the rip in the air were the creatures were coming out of and slashes it, making a white tear and it sealed the black tear closed. He then lashes out his white glow up towards the sky with speed and it bashes the dark cloud then makes it explode into white dust, letting in the sun and all the warmth again.
"Its....Its not them....theres more!?....what...is going on!?" Kiyel thinks as he is able to stand up normal again. The wolf then grabs Kiyels shoulder from behind him and forces him to his knees while placing his sword at Kiyels neck.
"Don't move earthling." The wolf tells him.
"Always resulting to force, Nine." The fox says shaking his head and joining the wolfs side.
"You can never be too careful. This earth walker used Cytos energy. But he doesn't smell like a Cytonsa." Nine, the wolf, replies to the foxes comment.
"What should we do with him captain?" The fox asked the red hedgehog who was gazing up at the sky as he let the warmth of the sun warm him. The red hedgehog then looks over his shoulder at the three of them.
"Leave him. We came here to do what needed to be done. And with his help I might add. Besides, we have more things to worry about then a earthling who can use Cytos energy." The captain tells them. Nine and the fox nod as Nine let go of Kiyels shoulder and put away his sword. A white door opened and the captain, Nine, and the fox begin to make there way in side the door as Kiyel just watched, scrambling for words in his mind to stop them from leaving, as he had questions but none came to mind at the moment.....