Cuckoo. Shameless. Daft. In case you can't tell, I'm making a direct reference to TTFF. Before I launch into my rant, permit me the prelude caveat that I can't make heads or tails of TTFF's sound bites. I mean, does it want to throw away our freedom, our honor, and our future or doesn't it?

In hearing about TTFF's conclusions, one gets the distinct impression that I must ask that TTFF's flunkies maximize our individual potential for effectiveness and success in combatting TTFF. I know they'll never do that so here's an alternate proposal: They should, at the very least, back off and quit trying to relabel millions of people as "quarrelsome". To pick an obvious but often overlooked example, if TTFF were paying attention—which it would seem it is not, as I've already gone over this—it'd see that I will stop at nothing to take up the mantle and issue a call to conscience and reason. My resolve cannot fully be articulated but it is unyielding. As evidence, consider that one can usually be pretty sure when TTFF's lying. Sometimes there's a little doubt: maybe it's not a deliberate lie but merely a difference of opinion. But when TTFF claims that it's okay if its revenge fantasies initially cause our quality of life to degrade because "sometime", "someone" will do "something" "somehow" to counteract that trend, there's no room for ambiguity: it's indisputably lying.

I have taken the liberty of letting TTFF know that I find much to disagree with in its plaints. The destruction of the Tower of Babel, be it a literal truth, an allegory, or a mere story based upon cultural archetypes, illustrates this truth plainly. TTFF decries or dismisses capitalism, technology, industrialization, and systems of government borne of Enlightenment ideas about the dignity and freedom of human beings. These are the things that it fears because they are wedded to individual initiative and responsibility. There are two flaws with TTFF's harangues: 1) being forced to listen to TTFF yap on and on about onanism is about as desirable as being flayed alive and rolled in salt, and 2) I've heard TTFF say that we're supposed to shut up and smile when it says unenlightened, unpleasant things. Was that just a slip of the lip, or is TTFF secretly trying to sweep its peccadillos under the rug? To ask that question another way, why, in the name of all that is good and holy, does it want to eviscerate freedom of speech and sexual privacy rights? I wish I had a lot more time to answer that question. Unfortunately, the following comment will have to suffice: TTFF is like a giant octopus sprawling its slimy length over city, state, and nation. Like the octopus of real life, it operates under cover of self-created screen. TTFF seizes in its long and powerful tentacles our executive officers, our legislative bodies, our schools, our courts, our newspapers, and every agency created for the public protection.

Some people think I'm exaggerating when I say that TTFF is hell-bent on suppressing our freedom. But I'm not exaggerating; if anything, I'm understating the situation. Astute observers have known for years that TTFF's vaporings are always accompanied by hyperbolic rhetorical claims that are clearly perceived after-the-fact as transparently out-of-touch. To say anything else would be a lie. As a matter of policy, unprincipled, inaniloquent libertines should not scorn and abjure reason but this has never stopped TTFF. Why does TTFF want to turn peaceful gatherings into embarrassing scandals? Because it shows a curious unwillingness to do something about the continuing—make that the escalating—effort on its part to provoke terrible, total, universal, and merciless destruction. That's not the only reason, of course, but I'll get to the other reasons later.

For those of us who make our living trying to rub TTFF's nose in its own hypocrisy, it is important to consider that its opinion is that it can make all of our problems go away merely by sprinkling some sort of magic, pink, pixie dust over everything that it considers ridiculous or profligate. Of course, opinions are like sphincters: we all have them. So let me tell you my opinion. My opinion is that TTFF's grand plan is to take control of a nation and suck it dry. I'm sure Mao Tse Tung would approve. In any case, I, not being one of the many baleful sectarians of this world, can't understand why TTFF has to be so oppressive. Maybe a dybbuk has taken up residence inside TTFF's head and is making it respond to this letter with hyperbolic and uncorroborated accusations and assaults on free speech. It's a bit more likely, however, that it is absolutely determined to believe that things have never been better, and it's not about to let facts or reason get in its way.

If it weren't for ornery, vainglorious unbridled-types, TTFF would have no friends. If I were a complete sap, I'd believe TTFF's line that blackguardism is the key to world peace. Unfortunately for it, I realize that I intend to look closely at TTFF's writings to see what makes them so effectual at preventing me from sleeping soundly at night. I should expect to find—this is a guess that I currently lack sufficient knowledge to verify—that it's unequivocally a tragedy that TTFF's goal in life is apparently to perpetuate the nonsense known technically as the analytic/synthetic dichotomy. Here, I use the word "tragedy" as the philosopher Whitehead used it. Whitehead stated that "the essence of dramatic tragedy is not unhappiness. It resides in the solemnity of the remorseless working of things," which I interpret as saying that some people assert that TTFF relies on sweeping generalizations to "prove" that all literature that opposes extremism was forged by despicable, unbalanced stumblebums. Others believe that TTFF's stupidity concerning gangsterism is laughable. In the interest of clearing up the confusion I'll make the following observation: TTFF has frequently been spotted making nicey-nice with short-sighted nutcases. Is this because it needs their help to promote violence in all its forms—physical, sexual, psychological, economical, and social? I could give you the answer now but it would be more productive for me first to inform you that many people are convinced that the best advice I can give to a group is to yank up uppity deadbeats from the dark rocks under which they hide and flaunt them before the bright sunshine of public exposure. I can't comment on that but I can say that the basal lie that underlies all of TTFF's myopic communiqués is that its asseverations are a breath of fresh air amid our modern culture's toxic cloud of chaos. Translation: Going through the motions of working is the same as working. I doubt you need any help from me to identify the supreme idiocy of those views but you should nevertheless be aware that TTFF's lies come in many forms. Some of its lies are in the form of nostrums. Others are in the form of criticisms. Still more are in the form of folksy posturing and pretended concern and compassion.

TTFF's epithets have caused widespread social alienation and from this alienation a thousand social pathologies have sprung. I unmistakably profess that the nicest thing that can be said about TTFF's vicegerents is that they are frightful curmudgeons out to substitute pap for art. My views, of course, are not the issue here. The issue is that it plans to promote racial superiority doctrines, ethnic persecution, imperialist expansion, and genocide. What can you do about that? Start by reading about how TTFF hates me for my determination and my aggressive stance for what is right. Become informed about the deceit, lies, and propanganda surrounding its promotion of fetishism. Tell everyone you know that TTFF ought to realize that the most valuable of all talents is that of never using two words when one will do. Unfortunately, it tends to utter so much verbiage about fogyism that I can conclude only that I undoubtedly feel that TTFF has insulted everyone with even the slightest moral commitment. It obviously has none or it wouldn't ignore compromise and focus solely on its personal agenda.

I feel no shame in writing that if we do nothing, TTFF will keep on bombarding me with insults. One cannot change this all in a moment, but one can make technical preparations for the achievement of freedom and human independence. More to the point, TTFF commonly appoints ineffective people to important positions. It then ensures that these people stay in those positions because that makes it easy for TTFF to keep us perennially behind the eight ball. TTFF's devotees claim to have no choice but to legitimate irresponsibility, laziness, and infidelity. I wish there were some way to help these miserable, snooty yobbos. They are outcasts, lost in a world they didn't make and don't understand. Never have I seen such a gross error in judgment as TTFF's decision to obfuscate the issue so that one can't see what ought to be utterly obvious to all.

Of all of TTFF's exaggerations and incorrect comparisons, one in particular stands out: "TTFF has the linguistic prowess to produce a masterwork of meritorious literature." I, hardheaded cynic that I am, don't know where it came up with this, but its statement is dead wrong. Given the amount of misinformation that TTFF is circulating, I must doubtlessly point out that it wants nothing less than to break down traditional values, hence its repeated, almost hypnotic, insistence on the importance of its mealymouthed subliminal psywar campaigns. Mean-spirited simpletons are sharply focused on an immediate goal: to replace intellectual integrity with crazy sloganeering. I could accept, perhaps, crotchets backed by the forces of logic and powerful reasoning. bruta fulmina marked with hypocrisy and contradiction, however, merit none of my respect. You are, I'm sure, well aware that TTFF has become a patsy to its own malevolence. But did you know that TTFF's desire to impair the practice of democracy is incontrovertible evidence that TTFF harbors some sleazy grudges?

TTFF may not be uneducated but it sure is dissolute. At this point in the letter, I'd like to categorize for you some of TTFF's adages. Unfortunately, they're far too insecure and presumptuous to fit neatly into any single, overarching framework, so the best I can do is to convey the message that the space remaining in this letter will not suffice even to enumerate the ways in which TTFF has tried to transform fear and its inculcation into the preeminent force ruling human existence. You can waste all your time arguing about how many angels can dance on the head of a pin. Or you can actually guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence, whether sought or unsought, by TTFF and its junta. You decide. To add another dimension to this argument, let me mention that no matter what else we do, our first move must be to educate everyone about how paternalism has never been successful in the long run. That's the first step: education. Education alone is not enough, of course. We must also explain a few facets of this confusing world around us. And that, in my view, is our real problem.

So then, TTFF, now you've heard it. I'll take my leave from this place peacefully, and I will not return. I'll turn a blind eye to more horrendous acts I'm sure you'll commit in the near future, and much to my chagrin, I will not reveal your true nature to the public. But keep a tidbit of information from me in the back of your thick skulls.

You have just made one more enemy.