<Chapter 1: The Beginning>
Ruby The Hedgehog was in the Rubinie Forest, sitting on a log. The wind blowed in her light red fur. She was frustrated with what was happening. With her parents divorced, she was having a tough time.
She suddenly heard a rustle in the bushes. She rushed off the log, going too fast, and tripped over the log, making a bruise on her red furred leg. "Oof!" She mumured as she sat on the mud and observed her bruise. It was swelled up, and a VERY dark purple. The figure from the bushes came out from the bushes and chuckled.
"Hee hee ha ha!" The figure chortled. Ruby turned to see a red hedgehog with a white shirt with a orange skirt. She also had white tennis shoes.
She pointed to a sign that said "LIFE OR DEATH LIFE: Right DEATH: Left"
I didn't get what this guy was up to!
"Follow me." She giggled.
I didn't trust this red sausged hedgehog...
<Chapter 2: The Secret...>
"Grr! Get away you freak hedgehog!" Ruby growled as she got up.
"Never, you dirty worthless hedgehog." The figure growled.
"If I'm worthless why are you following me?" I pointed out.
She turned away to turn to the sunset.
"Ahah! You really don't know why, eh?" I bragged.
She said nothing as the wind blowed.
"I will tell you if you don't tell anyone else. I'am a worker for GUN, trying to hunt down you. The GUN leader said you had a special power, and forced me to hunt down you. I'am Anna The Hedgehog." She admitted.
I was surprised to hear she admitted it.
"What IS my special power?" I asked.
<Chapter 3: Just a dream>
I saw the hedgehog gone in a breeze.
"No, no..." I called out.
I screamed, and woke up.
Darn, just a dream. But what IS my power? THAT I want to find out!
<Chapter 4: The Message>
Ruby hopped out of her bed and peeked out the window. Morning. Ruby groaned. She hated morning.
The start of a new day..., She always said. She rushed to get her cell-phone. She saw 1 new Message that said: "Please help my son!" She read it and it said,
Please help my son, Sinco The Egyptian Fox. We are in Eobius and my son is dying of Egyptianobius, a terrible diease carried on by sick babies who have it. Please find the medicine and bring it- Sopp The Egyptian WolfFox-
<Chapter 5: Skipping School>
Ruby was shocked to get a message all the way from Egyptianobius. She hadn't gotten any long distance messages in 1 year. She was detirmined to help the son! But she had school today...and her parents were already at work...so...should she skip school to start her new Life Saving Adventure?
<Chapter 6: The Beginning Of A New Adventure>
Ruby decided to skip school. After all, saving people comes first! She set out on her adventure. She rushed through the Curly Mountains, bracing dangerous fights with Mountain Lions. She got tired after her last fight with a Mountain Lion. She dropped to the muddy ground, unconsious.
"Look. It's a red hedgehog lying in mud. Remember, Skip, people come first." A voice said. Ruby felt a sudden tingle in her body, and then it went away.
Ruby got up and rubbed her eyes.
"Mmmmfgh...where am I?" She asked.
"You are in the Curly Mountains." A voice said.
"Who are you?" Ruby asked.
"Itert The Iguana. I was out exploring when I saw you out unconsious on the muddy dirt of Curly Mountains." He answered.
"Wh.." I started to say.
"Ahh, ahh, ahh. No talking while you feel all dizzy." He shushed me.
"Ruby has the power to teleport..." A voice mumbled.
<Chapter 7: One of THEM>
I felt dizzy. Was I hearing things?
"Ah. So Ruby has the power to teleport?" I heard a voice said.
I opened my eyes and saw Itert and a kitsune named Madness. He had a blue shirt with jeans and clenched teeth, frowning, his white gloves, one glove in a fist and the other holding it.
"It's time for payback." He growled.
"Madness, calm down. We know she is one of...THEM, but that's no reason to get all angry at her." Itert said, calming him down.
"Fine, but you better not use yo psyco powers to take us down." Madness growled.
<Chapter 8: The hatch of a new plan>

Chapter? That's one sentence. First one doesn't have much either.

Also, who is narrating this? (reference to first person in 2nd "chapter")

I didn't have time to add...like people don't have time to finish playing! And Ruby is growling.

Yeah, to technically be considered a chapter, it needs to be at least like...5 pages long. For Fan stories (such as my own. XP) Personal preference could set it at a couple pages, or even seceral paragraphs. But this long? Naaaaaw, I think you're chapters need to be longer. XD You could make them into "parts" rather than chapters.

I didn't get what this guy was up to!<- You need to be in either 1st or 3rd person. You're either the objective story writer, or the character telling the story, you can't be both. You must choose one and stick with it, or you'll really confuse your readers. XP

Script format is great...if you do it right. Unfortunately, your not. XD To do script format, you need to do WHAT YOU SEE, WHAT YOU HEAR! Strict strict what you see, what you hear, nothing else. You can't tell the audience what the character is thinking, or that her parents went through a divorce, no, you gotta SHOW it! You gotta tell us what we see, and what we hear, and no "as you know, bob" lines either that's cheating. XP If you don't want to do that, then you should work on formatting your story into full paragraphs. Spend more time on the emotion, the inner dialogue, character development.

Take us on a ride, one way or another. Your going through a lot with very little, and it's hard to keep up. Take us with you, make sure you get your point across, you are taking us on a roller coaster ride of emotion of hopes and fears. Be the drive master. XD

So it's bad? *cries because I will never be a real author*

If you say words like that, yes. If you don't take my advice to heart and simply improve, yes. The only bad authors are those who let themselves fail. Please don't whine, pick yourself up and get to writing! Write for goodness sakes, WRITE! Or, draw a picture, do whatever creative element your heart desires. Never EVER tell yourself, or let anyone else tell you, that you failed. There is no fail, there is only growing.

WOW. OMG! *cries at post cuz so beuatiful* But thanks thanks thanks thanks thanks for the advice!

<3

this storys good, keep at it and you'll be amazing, your already past better then me :T15:

Really? How am I better than you? I thought I was the worst writer here!