PROLGE!!!!!!!!!!

I was hiding under my bed from midnight. I giggled as he walked straight past me. He herd me giggle and looked under the bed "Found ya little bro!" Mightnight said as I squeezed out from under the bed.” You gotta catch me firsty!"I said grinning as I ran down the stairs my tails streaming out behind me.” Get back her you rascle!"I herd midnight following me and I hid behind the bookcase, and midnight sat on the armchair near where if was. I grabbed his tails "Gotcha!!!!!!"I said."Midnight, why don’t you have any eyes?” I asked crisly."Im not sure, snowey...”Midnight replied to me "Maybe im just a freak..."He said looking at the ground "Maybe it’s because your teh bwest bro in the world!!!!"I said "Maybe...”But he wasn’t really...............



CHAPTER 1-The monster appears........

2 months later.........

I was walking along my pocket jingling with money. I turned the corner and went into the sweet shop. I saw my older bro, midnight.Everyoe was staring at him calling him names like 'Freak' or 'No-eye'."Oy leave him alone! Just because he's different doesn’t mean he's a freak!” I shouted angrly.Everyone looked at me and went back to what they were doing. I walked up to midnight "Thanks bro"He said smileing."On the way home you're getting a ride!” The black fox grinned at my exited face. As I paid for my sweets midnight picked me up and put me on his back. When we got home we had a bath and went to bed.” Night midnight. I love you” I said as my eyes closed and I fell asleep.” I love you too, bro"The fox smiled and fell asleep.

5 Mins later.....

A black figer creped in our room. It diddent wake me or midnight. It picked up midnight and jumped out the window and ran away, his red eyes glowing. As it jumped out the window my eyes flew open. I jumped out of bed "midnight” I whispered "Where are you?” There was no reply..."Better not tell mum or dad they will go mad!” I thought put on my shoes and socks. I sneaked down the stairs and out the fround door. I could see every well in the dark and i saw a piece of black fur. I picked it up and it was exactly the same as midnights. I yawned and thought "He went this way...”I went in one direction and stopped. I looked back at my home.” Good bye mum. Goodbye dad..."I said in a low whisper as I started to run. I woke it was bright day. I must have fallen asleep. I stood up and looked around. I could just make out a small building in the distance ran towards it...



Chapter 2:Some new friends,but a worst fear...

I walked alone in which seemed an endless path. I look around. There was nothing for mile except from a grey building. I don’t know weather to enter. I walk closer...I could make out a small window. It diddent look open but still looked breakable. I walked up to it and peeped through. Nobody as there and I thought if I smashed it I would be cought.It was early and the sun shone brightly lighting up the window so i could see through. I gently tapped the window 3 times each time abit harder.Eventuley after 10 taps, each time getting harder it broke. I climbed through trying not to make a notice atall.I tiptoed to a small passege.here was a long corridor and 2 doors. I diddent know what to do. I took a step backwards and fell over. Landing on the hard concrete I started to cry."AHH!"I screamed as he fell. I sat up rubbing my head. I looked around."Good"I whispered "Nobody herd”. I stood up and crept around, not making a noise. I looked around still walking and suddenly someone started walking round the corner’s gasped closeing my eyes incase something bad was about to happen. I slowly walked backwards trying to avoid what was going to happen. It felt like hours passed, me knocked out. Screams filled the room. I slowly opened my eyes and i was sat in a dark room with 1 dog and 2 fox's including me. They looked around my age apart from the other fox. He looked like a baby.

The dog looked at me his eyes filled with worry. The person who was about to enter the room suddenly soar me and ran out, slameing and locking the door. The dog edged closer to me."w..whats you're name and why...why did the mo...Monster caters you two?” The dog asked trembeling."My name is snowey the fox.I'm not sopost to be here.I was tryeing to rescue my older bro,Midnight.."I replied."What you're name?" "My name is Jake The Dog"Jake replied."Who's that?"I asked pointing to the other fox.He had 2 robot tails with the tips brown.He had a meatle arm and hand too."Me?Im BF.."The fox replied shyely."I WANNA GO HOME!!!!!!!"I screached stadnding up and banging on the meatle door.The fox and dog stared at me in suprise."What?"I asked notecing them stareing at me."w..well do YOU want the monster come and rip you up into little peaces?"The dog plucked up his courege and came over to me.He took my arm and took me back into the corner."..."I said nothing following the dog.

END OF CHAPTER 2!



CHAPTER 3: The great escape

I woke, Bright sun filling the room from the little window. I sat up.BF was still asleep and so was Jake. I woke BF. He yawned. “What do you want?” He asked sleepely."I was wondering if there’s anyway out apart from the window and door.” I said."Hmm.Ask Jake” He said falling back asleep. I woke Jake and asked the same thing. He rubbed his eyes and said "Well. There is the air vent......."He said pointing to one.” Get BF we're getting out of here!!!!"I put BF on my back and pulled of the air vent with my tails. I crawled in Jake following me. He stopped. Are you REALLY sure?" He asked. "Positive” I replied. He followed me and it wasn’t long till all you could see was m glowing fur. “Why is you're fur glowing?” Jake asked."Im not sure...”I replied.

We crawled until we saw light "FREEDOM!!!!!!!!!!!"Jake said "Hurry up!” I broke the end and we crawled out. By now BF was awake but he was still on my back. I put him down as we climbed carefully out. We looked around. It was early and the sun shone brightly. ”Now what?” Jake asked. That was something I hadn’t thought about............



Injoy~And i know there's 3 chapters allready XDD
You dont need to say they are Short chaptes.I know.

I like it :) Just a few things to watch out for when you are writing:

Make sure you look back over what you have typed after you have typed it. Often, your brain works faster than your fingers, and you can make grammar mistakes that you may have been able to catch if you had looked it over.

The other thing is that typically when dialogue is used in a story, it is separated so that the reader can easily tell who is speaking. For example:

See? It makes the writing and exchange of dialogue much easier to follow :) In fact, some novels, like No Country For Old Men, don't even use quotation marks. They really entirely on the separation of the speakers. These are just two things to consider when writing in the future! :D Keep up the good work though; you have potential to do even better!

Heh thanks ^-^;; I love writeing, But just not good at grammer and that XD

And why is that? Are you from England or something?

Um, what? Are you saying that English people can't use grammar well?

Also, the story was decent, but as said, working on some grammar a bit and maybe adding some more content to chapters would be nice.

No, no! I'm not saying that at all! Were you rushing? Or maybe your brain was thinking faster than your typing...

great going sis =D I love your story :3
hope to see more owo

:T0:

She's your sister? Woah.

Sorreh for lond wait... D:

Chapter 4: What next?

I stared around at the grass for miles.
“I swear I didn’t go too far from home!!!” I screamed and my voice echoed for awhile.
“D-didn’t you know that thi-.”Jake was cut off as a giant door appeared in the walls of the place we we’re trapped in.
“ECCCKKKK!!!!” BF Tried to hid, so he went behind my leg.
“Stay with BF and hide behind that wall. I have a plan!” I whispered and Jake picked BF up and ran behind the wall. I sneaked to the window I had broken to get in. I had to get Midnight!
I climbed through it just as a black hedgehog wearing a cloak came out. I ran down the hallway looking around as I went. I could hear footsteps now. I slipped through the crack of a door into a room and hid under a bed in there. A white echidna peeked into the room, not seeing me and then moved on her way.
”Hmm...”She mumbled herself as she went.
I slipped through the crack in the door and raced down the corridor. Now I could hear a voice shouting:
“DARK BLAST!!!” I knew that was Midnight. Only he had the powers of night. I raced down the curved path and bumped into a black fox. There was blood all over the walls.
“M...M..Midnight...” I couldn’t beligh what he had done. Tears filled my eyes.
“No time to stand around!!! We need to get out of here!!!” He held my hand tightly and we ran and ran. We came to a door leading to a big, black room.
“In here!!!” I whispered, stopping running. “We can climb through the window!!!” I pushed the door open to find that a big window was locked.
“Grrr... DARK BLAST!!!” Midnight screeched and a blast of darkness came rushing towards the window. And also my head.... I screamed as I hit the floor, blood rushing from my head. Midnight jumped out the window, not seeming to care. I screamed as I held my head in pain.
“Snowey?!? Are you here?!?” A familiar voice came floating up the corridor. A dog peeked in the room. “SNOWEY!!!!!” The dog screeched as he saw me. He ran over and pulled me up to stand. “J...J...Jake?” I asked in a week voice.
“Don’t worry! You’re going to be a-okay!!!” He said whipping the blood from my head. I hoped he was right but somehow.... I thought he was wrong.

Sorry for double post, but is anyone still reading? ;_;

I am sis =D! keep it up, its really good x3

I'm really glad to see that you put my advice to good use! :D These latest chapters were much easier and more enjoyable to read, which is very nice! Since you took my advice so well, I'll give you another piece that you can maybe use if you want to. There were many times and moments in your last chapter that could have been described in much more detail...for example:

The description by itself does its job; it tells us what we need to know. But to really attract and bring in the reader's attention, it is your job as the writer to stop and really paint the picture (with words) of what is happening. You can take up an entire paragraph with only one action if you want! And especially when you have have people like Roronao giving you advice like:

He is telling you exactly what I am; you're grammar has improved, but you can still improve on the storytelling as well. I see promise with you, so long as you continue to improve your skills! :)

Thanks Lil Kit!

Isa could try, Riku~

This is you're captin speaking:The next chapter may still take awhile to be put up. Latly in the holidays Im around friends alot and Im practicing my singing, drawing and dancing. It WILL Be up but not expectid anything soon.Thank you all for you're patince.

(rofl sorry, I couldent resist:This Is You're Captin Speaking XD)