I am bored. will post more as I see fit to write more.

Rpg2knet: The movie (working title)
By KK4

Cast of Characters*:
KK4 (Philip Seymour Hoffman)
Adrian (Ishan Davé)
Delita (Djimon Hounsou)
Rofljohn (Alex Vigil)
Dajhail (Timothy Olyphant)
Ockham (James Faulkner)
Daniel (Paul Dano)
Meep (Jeff Kober)
Swords_McSwords (Angus T. Jones)
Jihaus (un-cast)
ZXLink (un-cast)
*Not a complete listing, cast subject to change

Scene 1: A dark room where the only light is from a computer screen, the camera pans across the room revealing a silhouette of a person, the camera pans over the person’s shoulder revealing the computer screen. The words on the computer screen, an IRC chat room, become the prime focus with the sound of typing and occasional out bursts

(the mouse pointer hovers over the connect icon in the Mirc IRC chat program connecting to a chat server Phrenzied )
/join #rpg2knet
Voice: Let’s see what these faggots are up to tonight. *snorts*
* Now talking in #rpg2knet
* Topic is 'Welcome to #amine | Spik's new game... nobody is interested: http://z15.invisionfree.com/fake2knet/inde...p?showtopic=250 '
[20:51] * Set by Light-Kun!thepwner@phrenzy-888f5e81.res.rr.com on Mon Mar 17 02:30:39
<Adrian> I think this may be the defining moments of our lives gentlemen
<KK4> evenin’ gents
<Ockham> even a dick
<Swords_McSwords> ur gay
<delita> I am going to fuck adrians mom so hard in the ass I will rupture her colon
<delita> then I am going to smoke a fat blut and cum all over her back
<ockham> and Adrian will lap it all up
Voice: *snorts followed by a high pitched laugh*
<KK4> what are you faggots going on about?
<ockham> a dick
<Swords_McSwords> xd
<Adrian> we’ve decided that we are going to have the first ever north American 2knet meet up in my house
Voice: Nice.
<delita> but you can’t come because you are a worthless human being KK4
<Adrian> sorry KK4 but I am not letting a gay gun nut pedophile in my house
Voice: What the fuck is that shit! How can you have a meet up and not invited KK4! I am this community!
<KK4> What? You’re shitting me man, I am coming!
<delita> cum a dick
<ockham> no one wants to be around you KK4
<delita> there isn’t room in adrian’s living room for a 300 pound sack of shit
<Rofljohn> kill ur self
<Adrian> we don’t want you around KK4
KK4: That is the last fucking straw! I will show them what happens to people who fuck with KK4
<delita> jeez
<KK4> you know what, fuck you all I will be there!
<KK4> IT WILL BE THE LAST STAND OF A SCOUNDREL!
<ockham> wut r u going 2 do? Shoot us?
<meep> lololol
/quit
KK4: Fuck! Fuck them! I’ll show them who they are dealing with, I am KK4!
(the lights in the house turn on and a montage of KK4 getting dressed up for battle begins to the tune of dramatic music, the montage shows parts of KK4 while he puts on camoflauge fatigues and various military surplus equipment, and finally a red beret. When the montage is over KK4 stands with his back facing the camera, he slowly turns to the camera to reveal he is overweight, has not shaved of bathed for days.)

KK4: It seems as if this is what my life was meant to be… that I will finally put an end to the disgusting maggots which are 2knet. I accept my god given duty to cleanse the world… of the 2knet chatsters.

(KK4 walks over to a closet door which is broken off of the hinges and leaning against the door frame. He removes the door to the side to reveal a large gun safe. He inputs the code 1488 and opens the safe, the camera angle changes revealing the inside of the safe is packed with various rifles, hand guns and shotguns.)

KK4: It is time, my friends, to howl once again, for the cause of ours is just and the wretched scum and villainy… FUCK OFF CAT! (a cat scrambles out of the room) I hate you cat…

(KK4 reaches into the safe pulling out a Kalashnikov rifle, which he tosses on a nearby mattress on the floor which is cluttered with empty water bottles, tissues and clothes strewn about. He then proceeds to pull out several handguns and a shotgun.)

KK4: Now, see, it’s all because I have to show them… I am the boss. I mean, who in their right mind can oppose the might of KK4? I think… I know I am right, and that history will vindicate my actions. See, the people are weak, and they just need a sign, something to point them in the right direction. Don’t you think so? No, KK4 you’re an asshole… I fucking hate you.

Scene 2: In adrian’s home he is sitting on his couch talking on a cellular phone to Daniel who is calling from an airport

Daniel: Adrian, Where do I need to tell the taxi to go? I’ve already been waiting here for four hours and the blacks look like they want to steal my luggage

Adrian: Sorry dude, I was just chatting it up on IRC. You should have seen how pissed KK4 got when he found out no one told him about the meet up. I think he is going to kill himself, it’s going to be awesome.

Daniel: No one told KK4? I thought he would come and bring alcohol and guns.

Adrian: Nah, man. I don’t want him around, he is bad enough online. But, I am leaving right now to get you from the airport. (Adrian gets up off the couch, walks out the door and opens the door of a silver SUV) I think I can get there in about 30 minutes if traffic isn’t a bitch.

Daniel: hurry up, this place smell like piss.

Adrian: I’ll get there, don’t worry about it. (Adrian turns off the phone, starts the car and drives off with loud death metal music playing) I am teh pwner.

whatever :fu:

pretty sweet dude i hope you finish it. gonna just paste the similar thing i did a while ago

More...give me more!!!

jeff kober? wtf man you could at least acknowledge that i am blonde. (and not a creep)

ownege

Angus T. Jones?! I will kill you!!! He is nowhere near like me!!! Nor as tall!!! :fu: :fu: :fu: :fu: :fu:

(Scene 3: meanwhile, back at KK4’s house, KK4 is still ranting pacing back and forth while violently motioning with his arms.)

KK4: And I was mocked, mocked for my concern for the glorious republic that the Zionist infested Trotskyite communist administration was destroying our very freedoms, and how I tried to warm them of the menace that faces them, but yet, like sheep, they continued to laugh and bray as if it were a game – This is not a fucking game! And how the words of KK4 fell upon deaf ears and the endless chatterings of petty nonsense. A pox, a pox upon them! They don’t deserve the- maybe I should check my Email before I go.

(KK4 walks over to a laptop computer sitting on a table in what is presumably a sitting room. There are wadded tissues, a bottle of mustard and empty pepsi cans on the table and strewn about the floor. KK4 Logs into the computer.)

KK4: now let’s see… Spam, Spam, Ooooh, penis enlargement, Russian mail order brides, Old lady porn, old lady porn, Hmmmm, something from Adrian, it says “you’re invited.” (The camera changes to a view of the computer screen again, the mouse pointer clicks on the message which KK4 proceeds to read aloud)
From: Adrian Von Schemettau “teh pwner”
To: KK4
Subject: You’re invited
Yo KK4 you basement dwelling cretin we are having the first ever north American 2knet meet up this weekend, from Friday to Sunday at my house. Click here for driving directions. (The camera returns to show KK4 sitting at a folding chair hunched over the table looking at the computer screen)

KK4: Hmm, maybe I jumped to conclusions and judged them too harshly. To make it up to them I should pick up some beer on the way there, and bring my guns for some shooting! Yeah. This looks like it is going to turn out great.

(KK4 clicks the link and the view returns to the computer screen, a web page opens displaying the video “Never gonna give you up” with the music still playing in the background the view returns to an irate KK4)

I… I… I’ve been rickrolled! Those mother fuckers!

(KK4 stands and pulls out a p-38 from a beat up and dingy leather holster on his belt and proceeds to empty the magazine into the laptop. reloading.)

They will never be forgiven for this humiliation!

(KK4 walks to a door and opens it, light pours into the room and KK4 shields his face)

The light, how it burns us…

(KK4 then exists the house; the view turns to street overlooking a basement apartment, KK4 stumbles up the stairs carrying a duffel bag and a large plastic case, when he gets to street the camera pans following him as he walks past a pair of frightened old women towards an old olive green hatchback car. He unlocks the hatch and places his cargo into it, closes the door, enters the car and starts the car, upon doing so the radio starts playing “Country roads” by John Denver; KK4 drives off while singing along to the song badly off key.)

(Scene 4: Adrian is in the Airport holding up a sign that says “#Rpg2knet” while the passing crowd gives him odd looks, eventually Daniel walks over to Adrian)

Daniel: I didn’t know that there were so many fat people in the United States. These people need to go biking, or get off their fat asses every once and a while to change the tv station. And the children are misbehaved, and one of them took my cell phone and I had to argue with their parents for 45 minutes until my phone went off and started playing queen, and they gave my phone back because they didn’t want their kid getting AIDS from listening to queen. Adrian, I am ready to go.

Adrian: Why leave now when you’ve already had so much fun with your American experience.

Daniel: these people are worse than the French, Adrian. The French.

Adrian: Yeah, let’s get the fuck out of here.

(Adrian and Daniel leave the airport and walk over to Adrian’s car. Daniel trys to open the door and the car alarm goes off. Daniel jumps back and Adrian disengages the alarm and unlocks the car. The too of them enter and Adrian starts the ignition and loud death metal begins to play)

Adrian (shouting over the music): If I speed we should be at my house in fifteen minutes.

Daniel: What? If you sneeze you’ll vomit cheese biscuits?

(Adrian lowers to volume of the CD player)

Adrian: If I speed we should be at my house in fifteen minutes.

Daniel: Oh… but what if you get a ticket?

Adrian: I am teh pwner.

Daniel: Alright then.

(the car drives out of the parking lot and starts down the road and the song changes from death metal to ABBA’s “Dancing Queen.” The camera returns to the inside of the car focusing on Adrian who has a look of shock and humiliation on his face.)

Adrian: I… My… My… Mom had the car last!

Daniel: But I like this song.

(the camera then cuts to a scene of Adrian car driving down the road, over the speed limit, Adrian and Daniel can be heard singing along with the song when a police car starts following them, the camera cuts back to the inside of the car, the pair still singing oblivious to the flashing lights and sirens. The police car then blasts over the loud speaker “Pull over that gatdam car, gatdammit!” the pair are startled.)

Daniel: What was that? Is this a remix?

Adrian: No, it’s the pigs. I have to pull over.

(The camera switches to an over head view of the car pulling over with a police car pulling over behind it the camera switches to show an NC state patrol officer exiting the car and walking over to Adrian’s SUV. The window rolls down, Adrian looks nervously at the police officer as Daniel continues to sing and dance in the passenger seat.)

Police: Turn off that gatdamned music boy. Do you know how fast you were going there son? Do you know what the speed limit is here boy? Do I have to bust your ass out here on the highway? Turn the music off!

(Adrian reaches over to turn off the CD player.)

Daniel: I was still listening to that.

Police: Shut up punk! Now you listen here and listen good…

Daniel: you don’t have to be rude.

Police: You had better tell your aussie friend I am about a second away from taking you both into the back of my squad car!

Daniel: I’m Welsh!

Adrian: He is Welsh.

(The Police officer slams his hand on the roof of the car and draws his gun)

Police: Out of the god damned car. Now! Now! Now!

(Adrian nervously scrambles out of the door while Daniel exits calmly)

Daniel: Is that a real gun?
(When Daniel rounds the front of the car the officer grabs him by the collar and slams him on the hood of the car putting the gun to the back of his head.)

Adrian: God dammit Daniel shut up! I don’t wanna die!

Police: Now you boys stay there!

(As the officer backs up into the road he is hit by another speeding police car, flips over the hood and rolls several feet.)

Daniel: See what happens when you are rude to a Welshmen?

Adrian (with eyes wide open in a look of shock): that was fucking awesome…

(the officer from the other police car walks over to the scene of the accident he looks at them both)

Officer 2: He flew pretty far didn’t he, Adrian? That’s what that son of a bitch gets for keying my bike.

Adrian: Who… Who… What the fuck is going on here… Wait… ZXLink?!

ZXLink: Yo.

kk4 is better at the end of episode twist than the lost writers

I'm always relieved when I don't see my name listed among
the usual group of dick n fart jokesters on these things.

This will be epic and a defining moment in the history of the community, would should be insulted that you are not included in this.

if you put this much effort into killing yourself imagine how much better the world would be

Not fun, not accepted. DoS.

(Scene 5: Adrian and Daniel have been in a holding cell at a state police station for about 12 hours following ZXLink running over the other state trooper)

(Adrian walks over to the cell bars while Daniel sits on a cot singing)

Adrian: Hey, Hey, We’ve been here for hours! When are you going to let us out, we didn’t do anything

Statepolice2: Shaddap.

Adrian: You can’t treat us like this, I am an American!

Daniel: I’m not.

Adrian: (to Daniel)… Don’t I at least get a phone call?

SP2: Shaddap.

Adrian: I want to make my damned phone call, I want a lawyer.

SP2: Alright, I’ll let one of you make a phone call. You (points to Daniel), Come on.

Adrian: He’s a tourist! How is letting him make a phone call going to help!?

SP2: Shaddap. (SP2 pushes Adrian on the forehead through the bars knocking him over, then proceeds to open the door and let Daniel.)

Daniel: Don’t worry, I know exactly what to do, I saw American TV.

(the camera then follows Daniel and the state police officer as they make their way down to a pay phone to make a phone call. Daniel then starts to dial a number.

Daniel (on the phone): … Yes, hello? Hello?

Voice on the phone: Yes? Hello?

Daniel: Bret, you are a fucking wanker. (Daniel hangs up the phone)

SP2: Is that all?

Daniel: Yes, I am finished.

(Daniel is then lead back into the cell by the state police officer)

Adrian: Well?

Daniel: Don’t worry, I took care of everything.

Adrian: Thank god!

(Another State police officer walks over and tells Sp2 to release Adrian and Daniel)

SP2: You’re free to go. Follow him (the third state police officer) to the front desk.

(as Adrian and Daniel are lead out of the cell block by the third state police officer they walk by a room where another officer is talking to a 14 year old boy in an office. The third officer stops to talk to the forth officer)

Sp3: did you get anything from this kid yet?

Sp4: no, he just keeps repeating the same stupid name over and over again.

Sp3: and this is the kid we found hitchhiking right?

Sp4: Yeah. No ID, just a duffel bag.

Sp3: Come on kid… level with us, what’s your name?

Kid: … I’m Swords McSwords!

(Daniel and Adrian who were waiting look at each other with a look of astonishment)

Sp4: Kid… that ain’t your name and we know it. Damn, I wish we had this kid’s prints on file. Call CPS, they can take care of him.

Swords: … I am Swords McSwords …

(Adrian peaks his head into the room)

Swords: Adrian! It’s me, Swords McSwords! (Swords make an xd expression)

Sp3: Wait… you know this kid?

Adrian: uh… yeah… sorta… um…

Sp4: Don’t fuck with me, I’ve been dealing with this kid for two hours, do you know him or not!

Daniel: Yes. He’s Swords McSwords. He is…

Adrian: He is my cousin… from Detroit! I was supposed to pick him up at the bus station…

Sp3: Is this true kid?

Swords: … (makes an xd expression)

Sp4: who gives a fuck, take him with you.

(ZXlink enters the scene)

Sp3: Yo, Trent. What happened?

ZXLink: I am suspended pending an investigation. I am just on my way out.

Sp4: What happened to McAllister?

ZXLink: Who gives a fuck? He should know better than to walk into traffic.

Sp3: McAllister was kinda an asshole… but damn he didn’t deserve that. Hey, Trent?

ZXLink: Yeah?

Sp3: Mind taking these three up to the front desk and signing their release forms.

ZXLink: Yeah, sure thing. Let’s go.

(ZX leads Adrian, Daniel and Swords to the front desk of where they sign their release forms)

Adrian: I can’t believe you are a fucking cop, ZX.

ZX: A nigga’s gotta eat ‘n pay for gas. Is this pudgy idiot really Swords?

Swords: I hate you, fuck you all. (makes a >:E expression)

Daniel: that’s swords alright, I would recognize that personality anywhere.

ZX: Alright, tell me why the three of you are here in the first place.

Swords: It’s the meet up!

ZX: Meet up? Don’t tell me you organized a circle jerk Adrian.

Adrian: It’s going to be the most epic event of our lives, and if you were in the channel more you would know all about it. All of the 2knet all-stars will be here; Rofljohn, meep, Delita, Toasty, Ockham, even Dajhail will be here! We are going to put Funkytown to shame. You should come, ZX.

ZX: I am a fucking cop. I’ve got tickets to write, titties to touch and asses to smack.

Daniel (interrupting): Where can I sign up

Swords: (makes a xd expression

ZX (continuing same sentence) I am not going to hang out with… wait, is KK4 going to be there?

Adrian: No.

ZX: Fuck you then. Alright, let’s get out of here.

(ZX leads Adrian, Daniel and Swords out the door of the police station to a parking lot where ZXLink’s bike and several police cars are parked.)

Swords (runs over to bike): WOW! That’s an awesome bike.

ZX: Touch it and I will skull fuck you! Get your pudgy ass away from mah bike.

Daniel: That really is a nice bike.

Adrian: Wait! Wait a minute!? Where is my car? What the fuck happened to my car?

ZX (getting on to his bike): They impounded it.

Daniel: Then… how are we going to all fit on your bike?

ZX: You’re not. (ZXlink Rides off)

Adrian: What the FUCK!

Daniel: …

Swords (makes a xd expression)

Daniel: Maybe we should start walking.

(scene 6: back at the state police station)

Sp5: Why did you let those two go Captain?

Captain Jeff Brown: We received a phone call from the FBI telling us that they are part of an ongoing investigation and that they should be released as soon as possible or risk blowing the operation.

Sp5: What kind of investigation?

CptBrown: They didn’t day… But I have an idea… Cambodian boy sex-slavery ring.

Sp5: What…?

CptBrown: Just thinking about those supple young Cambodian boys being forced to commit unspeakable acts of sodomy, being beaten and abused… it makes my blood boil to know that scum bags like that exist.

(Sp3 enters the Captain’s office)

Sp3: Captain, we let those two go, but it turns out that kid we picked up at the side of the road was with those two. Oh yeah, Trent left for the night too.

CptBrown: I want you to take an unmarked car and follow them… We’ll catch them in the act of running Cambodian sex slaves… and then it will be time for some southern justice.

More twists! More twists!!!! :D